The Beatles In Wonderland

The Walrus & The Carpenter

The Tweedles sit the Beatles down on the ground as they prepare to tell their story. "The Walrus & The Carpenter." Said Tweedle Dee. "Or The Story Of The Curious Oysters." Said Tweedle Dum.

And so, the story begins.

The sun was shining on the sea
Shining with all his might
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright

And this was odd, because it was...
The middle of the night

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand
The beach was white from side to side
But much too full of sand.

Carpenter: Mr. Walrus?

Said the Carpenter

Carpenter: My brain begins to perk
We'll sweep this clear in half a year
If you don't mind the work

Walrus: Work?!
Uh, the time has come...

The Walrus said.

Walrus: To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
And cabbages and kings

And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings
Callooh, callay, no work today
We're cabbages and kings

The Carpenter dunks his head into the ocean and catches sight of the oysters, who quickly hide when they see him. The Carpenter then whistles for the Walrus, telling him about the oysters.

Walrus: Oh, uhhh, oysters, come and walk with us
The day is warm and bright
A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk
Would be a sheer delight

Carpenter: Yes, and should we get hungry on the way
We'll stop and uh... have a bite!

The walrus slaps the Carpenter for his words.

But mother Oyster winked her eye and shook her heavy head. She knew too well this was no time to leave her oyster bed.

Mother Oyster: The sea is nice,
Take my advice, and stay right here.

Mom said.

Walrus: Yes, yes, of course, of course! But eh... haha!
The time has come, my little friends
To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
Of cabbages and kings

And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs have wings. Haha!
Callooh, callay, come run away!
We're the cabbages and kings!

The oysters follow the Walrus while the Carpenter builds a restaurant.

Walrus: Hrmmm, well now, uh... let me see...
Ah! A loaf of bread is what we chiefly need.

The Carpenter runs out as the Walrus picks up the oysters with an evil grin.

Carpenter: So how about some pepper and salt and vinegar, aye?

Walrus: Oh yes, yes, splendid idea! Haha, very good indeed!

The Carpenter leaves with a nod.

Walrus: Now, if you're ready, oysters dear...
Haha... we can begin the feed.

Oysters Feed?!?!

Walrus: Oh yes, ahh, the time has come, my little friends, to talk of food and things!

Meanwhile

Carpenter: Of peppercorn some mustard seed
And other seasonings
We'll mix them all together
In a sauce that's fit for kings
Callooh, callay, we'll eat today
Like cabbages and kings

Walrus: I uh, weep for you, I -uh- oh, excuse me, I deeply sympathize. For I've enjoyed your company, oh, much more than you realize.

Carpenter: Little oysters, little oysters...

But answer there came none. And this was scarcely odd, because... they'd been eaten, every one!

The Carpenter glares at the Walrus, who laughs nervously.

Walrus: The time has come!

As the Walrus runs away, the Carpenter chases him.

We're cabbages and kings!

The End!

"That was a very sad story." Said Paul. "Aye, and there's a moral to it." Tweedle Dee said. "Oh yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. Well, it's been a very nice visit..." Said Ringo. "Another recitation..." Tweedle Dum said. "I'm sorry, but..." Said John. "It's titled Father William." Said Tweedle Dee. "But really, we..." Said George. "First verse!" Said Tweedle Dum.

The tweedles tell their next story as the Beatles sneak away.

You are old father William,
The young man said
Aand your hair has
Become very white.

And yet you incessantly
Stand on your head
Do you think at your age
It is right, is right

Do you think at your age it is right?
Well, in me youth, Father William
Replied to his son,
I'd do it again and again and again

And I'd done it again and again and again...