𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍 / 𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐀

خمسة - 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚 — 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚

jamilah was slightly more sober when they were done messing about. though she was in a foggy place mentally. "kaz won't like this."

"i thought you ain't care?"

"i don't. i'm actually so sick of him." she admitted, laughing in annoyance as she rolled off of him. "i can't stand him, he makes me so- ugh! being in the same room as him just makes my skin crawl."

abdul looked at her oddly. "he's your ex for a reason though."

"i wish." she sighed. "he takes care of my family, like financially- his family at least. and he just hurts me."

"hurts you how?"

"doesn't really matter." she mumbled, wishing he hadn't asked. "i'm used to it."

he didn't like that answer but jamilah was stubborn.

"you know, i have money."

"me too." jamilah looked at the ceiling, not sure why her life falling apart was so tragically amusing. "just not enough to do the shit i wanna do. and i leave him every other week until i remember that his family pays for half of my tuition and a portion of our rent. he doesn't even care, i leave and he expects me to come back. and i do, every time like some joke man."

abdul looked over her. "man could do that, still."

"expect me to go back to him?" she yawned a little.

"no, take care of you, school, whatever you need."

"pay for me to go to uni?" she snickered. "yeah, alright."

"nah, i'm not lyin'. how much is it?" he asked seriously. from what that chandler guy was saying, and even jamilah herself, it sounded like her boyfriend had a habit of putting his hands on her. she was leaving for a reason, only going back because she needed money. abdul had money, it wasn't anything to share. and jamilah had never been that type of person to take more than she needed.

she thought, not taking him serious. "with my scholarship it's like five thousand, a little bit less. i don't really know anymore, they've been doing it so long i've stopped carin'. sometimes we argue and he says his family's spendin' tons for me to go. i don't know... i don't know." she couldn't feel anything when she said that.

"is that the only reason you're with man?"

"it's a necessity so... yeah."

she really wanted to get her degree. she was only attending school part-time which was delaying her a bit, but she didn't have a choice.

"i've got you then." abdul looked at her then to her hand drawing circles on his stomach. "if that's all you need, i could be your boyfriend."

she smiled, burying her face in his shoulder. she muttered a muffled 'shut up.'

"for real, break up with him." he told her.

jamilah was blushing. it had been an extremely long time since a guy had been nice to her. or anyone for that matter. she couldn't even remember the last time she'd been nice to herself.

"if we were to date..." she started slowly, thinking about what it would be like.

abra waited for her to say the same things she had always said.

surprisingly enough, this was a conversation they used to have a lot when they were younger. it was always jokingly and jamilah would say she wouldn't want to him to end up like the older guys they knew doing roads, and he'd say 'i don't know if i can do that, still', then she'd hit him and tell him to be serious.

unfortunately, he was too nervous to tell her what was really going on at the time, or how he felt about her.

and he ended up losing her.

however, this time, the conversation didn't go that way.

"i'd just want you to love me, and really wanna be with me." she blinked before turning her head to look at him. "not like this. don't confuse this for what i want. and you can't leave me like before."

"you want man to love you?" he ran his fingers over her spine. he had always loved her, but it wasn't the time for either of them.

she scowled at him. "i hate when you do that."

"i ain't said nothin'."

"you don't have to."

abdul kissed his teeth. "fix your face, jamilah."

"did you even miss me?" she asked him.

"you're movin' mad."

"did you?" she sat up. when he had said it before she felt nice. "seriously?"

they hadn't talked in nearly a decade. she went to college and started university while he got deeper into the streets. nothing about their lives really meshed anymore. yet, here they were.

there had been so many times that jamilah would see abdul around and want to catch up, but she always doubted that he even remembered who she was. when they knew each other it was such a long time ago, their friendship had lasted a handful of months so she never knew if it impacted him as much as it did her.

besides, kaazim was so possessive and crazy, she couldn't even speak to guys without him freaking out.

but abra said he missed her, that he remembered who she was, and that made her feel something. maybe it was just nostalgia but it beat feeling absolutely nothing. that was the only reason she was laying naked next to him.

"why are you actin' like this? you know what i'm gonna say."

jamilah sighed.

"yeah, man missed you." abra caved, kissing his teeth. "i missed you more than you know. now lay down. you always being difficult and moody."

"whatever." she laid on his chest and closed her eyes. "i'm going to sleep."

he kissed her head. "good. you need to."