𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍 / 𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐀

أربعة عشر - 𝙖 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣 — 𝙖 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚

"so you forgot your shower cap and wet your hair...?" kaazim rubbed his temples, repeating the lie jamilah had used as an excuse for why her hair was back in its natural state. "you expect man to believe that?"

jamilah had a horrible hangover, worse than any before. she wasn't in the mood— not that she ever was— to speak to him about something so trivial. "it's my natural hair. it isn't an issue." she rasped quietly. her throat hurt from yelling the whole night long and even making vodka go up her nose. "why are you making it a big deal?" she just wanted to wash her face.

kaazim's eye twitched. "you're fuckin' up, jamilah. i've not got the patience to be dealin' with you today. fix yourself before i do," he told her before promptly leaving the bathroom.

she sighed heavily, bending over the sink, trying to collect herself. he wasn't the only one who didn't have patience.

"don't heave your breath like you've got a problem!" he rose his voice. it was sharp and serious, threatening her. "i do everything for you and you continue to be ungrateful. the least you can do is act correctly. i don't ask for much in return. the audacity you have to show up here lookin' a mess, as if you don't know how important it is for you to look presentable around my family. seriously fix yourself."

counting her breaths, jamilah calmed down enough to finish washing her face and moisturising. the only thought running through her head was how much she wanted to drink a cup of tea and sleep. every fibre in her body ached and she was exhausted. there was absolutely nothing telling her to stay, here, with him... she could hardly keep up the facade anymore, let alone long enough to please his family at dinner.

she stepped out of the bathroom, palming the cold metal of her phone in the pocket of her hoodie. "kaz, i can't do this right now, you're giving me a headache. i'm gone, alright?"

he exited his closet, eyes staring menacingly. "what do you mean you're gone?" he had a certain venom in his voice that made jamilah's hands quiver with fear. "answer me. what're you on about?"

she licked her lips nervously. "clearly-"

"fix your fuckin' tone! talkin' to man like i'm stupid. 'clearly'," he mocked playfully, though the hostility was evident in his words. "the fuck do you mean clearly? clearly, you must've lost your mind."

"i-"

"are you dumb? you know i'm havin' family over tonight and you wanna pull this bullshit. seriously, i should fuckin' smack you." he tossed the button up shirt he had on the bed and took a step closer. "you wanna do this right now? are you sure?"

jamilah felt frozen in place as he grabbed her jaw. his touch was rough and painful, like hundreds of needles injecting his hatred into her. her palms pressed against his chest, trying to create distance between them.

"no, stop. please." she pleaded.

there wasn't much in her but a dull anger that only aided in making her skull feel as though it were splitting apart.

"you're lucky." he pecked her lips before gently pushing her aside. he chuckled as she cornered herself against the wall. "i'm not repeatin' myself to you. get dressed." and calmly, he went back to picking out an appropriate shirt.

she groaned in frustration, feeling like she'd cry at any moment. "kaz, no... what the fuck!? what is this?" her skin was crawling as she meet his gaze. if looks could kill she'd be dead and brought back to life. ten times over. she would've preferred that though. anything beat the mind numbing fear he put in her. "this is jarrin'. i'm so tired of you treatin' me like this."

luckily she was near the door so he wouldn't be able to keep her locked in.

"jamilah, i swear-"

"this shit is gettin' long." she exasperated. "do you even think about the things you say to me? how your actions affect me?" with each question she opened the door some. "how you hurt me? how many times you've cheated on me? how many times have you stopped to think, 'i've got a girl already so i shouldn't be entertaining this nonsense'? it's getting so repetitive, kaz, i need space."

he looked her over, with what seemed to be a bored expression. it drove her insane. "a'ight, say nun. i'll see you later."

jamilah left with a terrible feeling everywhere, straight down to her bone. a terribly horrid feeling all over.

unaccomplished. that's what it was. she wanted some sort of reaction, something other than what he gave her. it was like she was just making up issues in her head which is why she was the only one who ever saw them.

the emotion had her feet dragging against the pavement and her lungs working double time to fill up.

the interaction was relatively calm to how kaazim usually was, but it was still taking a toll on her.

she didn't say 'i'm done, kaazim, for real this time' or 'i don't need this in my life' or 'i'm not going to allow you to treat me like crap anymore'. she hadn't gotten anything out that she wanted to. it was all a jumbled mess of emotions, like her tongue had been tied in knots. she didn't want space for a couple days. jamilah wanted what they had to be over. forever. she wasn't just tired, she was completely and utterly worn out.

she hadn't accomplished the one simple goal she had set for herself and it was weighing her down. jamilah's body was heavy and achy and it had nothing to do with her hangover.

this was bone deep pain.

why couldn't she just leave him? what was wrong with her?

his voice taunted her, 'i'll see you later.'

she never wanted to see him again.