𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍 / 𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐀

الترجيع - 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨

𝙧𝙚𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙙 — 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨
𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰
𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵/𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘦

there weren't many things that shook abdul, he felt confident enough in himself to handle any situation. though nothing could've prepared him for his first time witnessing death.

he'd been sitting outside on the stoop, in front of the run down building his friend hung out in and sold drugs from.

a rugged looking man wearing tattered and dirty clothing approached him. the air around him reeked of alcohol and a bad body odor. the stench was smothering, leaving abdul rather annoyed.

"can i uh- can i get some h?" the man scratched at himself feverishly. "you lot have got some, right?"

"nah... do i know you?" abdul gave a vacant stare. he knew better than to let just anyone into the house.

"abra, it's me- paris. you know me!"

abdul frowned. paris hadn't been hooked on heroin the last time he sold to him. this man looked too thin, his brown skin dull and gaunt. his eyes were wide and sunken in, fleeting back and forth as if he were weary of everything around them. he seemed too skittish to be paris.

besides, last he sold to paris, it was just weed so the jump to heroin was jarring.

"nah bruv, i don't think you are."

"abby, come on it's me. i need to cop today." paris insisted, reaching into his pockets. "look, i've even got the money i owe big man! i'm settling debts even. truss."

kissing his teeth abdul took the few hundred quid from him and sent the man to the back. "ask kash, alright. it's up to him if you get in." he didn't look the man in his eyes as he shoved the crumpled bills into his pocket. he couldn't actually bring himself to do so.

paris thanked him and headed through the alley.

abdul sat there for a while, talking to ezrah and a'lamar who were passing the time hanging with him. every so often he'd receive a text from jamilah checking in on him. recently she'd gotten very clingy and paranoid, always pestering him about his whereabouts. he hated how she'd been onto him.

"are you gonna answer your phone?" a'lamar asked curiously.

"nah."

"ain't that your girl..." ezrah was picking his hair. it was a light brown, very nearly blonde, with a texture similar to abduls own hair.

the different notification sound made it obvious that it was someone important to him. he didn't like to say he was dating jamilah, truthfully it wasn't like that, but his friends knew how he felt about her even if he hadn't mentioned it outright. "yea, she's always onto me. told her i was workin'. it's gettin' annoying. man can't leave her alone for five minutes."

a'lamar laughed. "respond so she'll get off your back. she'll just keep textin' if you keep airin' her."

he was right and abdul knew that. still he didn't make a move to text her back. he was working right now so she'd have to wait. and she knew that which was why he was annoyed.

"when are we gonna meet her?" ezrah's light brown eyes stared at the larger boy. "you never bring her 'round."

"never." he stated simply.

a'lamar pushed abdul playfully. "that ones too good for us yea?" he smirked at ezrah. "mimi's special, you know."

abdul grimaced at the name. they had over heard josh calling jamilah that and they started doing the same. he thought it sounded like a name for a dog, and she wasn't some pet to him.

"and what of it?" he grumbled.

"i mean ain't much longer you can keep her from finding out everything." ezrah started.

"it's no big deal, you're makin' bread, innit. what? is she gonna leave you?"

the thought clogged his throat and his phone felt heavier in his pocket. she would surely leave. jamilah had made it extremely clear to him that she didn't think highly of roadmen. and she'd be disappointed if she ever found out that he was wasting his time sitting on a corner selling drugs. he'd hate to lose her, let alone disappoint her.

his cell tinkered again and he felt sick. though no one could tell from just looking at him. jamilah would've known. he wondered how much longer he could keep living like this, lying to her. surely she knew he was lying. was that why she never gave him a break? the thought hadn't ever crossed his mind before now. and now that it was on his mind he couldn't shake the feeling that what he was doing was wrong.

as his thoughts raced, unbeknownst to his friends, abdul could feel something in the air, a shift that made all the hairs on his body stand alert.

his eyes scanned the area slowly. for a moment he tuned out his friends, listening intently to everything else around him. usually he could pick up on the faint music playing from santana's car out back. but it was silent. the street was deserted, even the houses around him seemed to be abandoned. there were no cars. just the sound of his labored breathing scrapping against the back of his throat.

"...just introduce us, you get me?" a'lamar finished his spiel.

abdul stood up abruptly, leaving the two boys without an explanation. he skipped down the few steps before heading around the corner to the alley.

a'lamar kissed his teeth slowly before calling, "c'mon, think about it! we aren't that bad!"

"leave him be." he heard ezrah sigh. "you know how he gets."

his fingers were tucked in the waist band of his sweatpants, barely making contact with his knife.

everything was loud in his ears. the gravel crunching beneath his heavy footsteps. his heart banging rapidly in his chest. the indistinguishable voices yelling just a few meters away. a car backing out the alley further down. curtains pulling aside from the house on the opposite side of him. he could practically hear the eyes peering down onto the scene happening just ahead.

"... go with that shit dawg!" abdul could hear tahj yelling as he got closer to the back of the building. "yo, someone get my man!"

as he rounded the corner he was presented with the sight of paris stumbling, a lazy smile pulling at his chapped lips. "i'm good, tahj, truss." he steadied himself the best he could.

"nah, nigga, you need to leave."

abdul stood there frozen.

there weren't many things, if any at all, that spooked him. but this, this was something he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. addiction was cruel and part of him couldn't help but feel responsible.

paris was slurring his words as he brushed passed the younger boy. "i feel great. i-i- trust me. i'm better than ever."

"get on."

abdul watched the man walk away, losing his balance and tripping over nothing. he was cackling loudly, hardly coherent. he leaned against a cracked wall riddled with graffiti, slowly sliding down.

it was a train wreck and abdul couldn't look away.

tahj placed a hand on his shoulder causing him to visibly flinch. this was the first time he'd ever seen something like this. "it's just the cycle of life, you get me?" the man stated.

abdul couldn't breathe for a second. his eyes were glued to paris, an odd emotions surging through him. the way he squirmed and writhed made abdul sick. and when he was done, silence filled the small alley.

it was smothering.

"let's go, yeah." tahj pulled the younger boy away.

he looked over his shoulder a few times before focusing on what was ahead of him. he was too stuck to even open his mouth and say anything. he wasn't sure there were even words to articulate how he felt.

abdul didn't stay around to much longer, and tahj didn't bat an eye when the boy said he needed to go home.

"it happens. don't think too much of it." tahj advised before sending him off. "try to sleep it off."

as he walked the empty streets, abdul checked jamilah's message.

'ur a prick'.