to make things awkward | fillie

8 | forget

Looking back on it, Finn would never be able to explain what had possessed him that night. Was it lust? Probably not, he wasn't thinking about Millie romantically when he suddenly kissed her. Was it alcohol? Probably a little—okay, probably a lot. But was it also fate's impatient hand, coaxing him forward? Almost definitely.

"Oh my God." she said covering her mouth, "Sorry," she said in a haste, rocketing to her feet, "I don't know what came over me, I'm so embarrassed—oh my—"

"Hey, woah, slow down, Mil." He said, standing more slowly than she had, still a little dazed and confused, "I'm sorry."

She looked at him, furrowing her eyebrows.

"You're engaged." he said, "I shouldn't have done that."

Her confusion only increased, "I—"

"You didn't do anything wrong," he said.

She shook her head.

He launched into explanation mode, "I'm in a weird place, haven't slept much today, and we. . ." he scoured his brain for more excuses but he was mostly just embarrassed that he let himself get so carried away. Sure, they were both in an emotionally vulnerable time right now, but he just kissed an engaged woman. An engaged woman who he shared more with than a stupid little kiss, ensuring that this wasn't the last time he'd hear of it.

"Finn, I—" she looked flummoxed, "I kissed. . you." she seemed to question her own words.

"What?" he said, sure of the contrary. He was definitely the one who leaned in. Certainly he was the one who took that from her, and the familiar guilt he'd had from convincing her to sleep with him ten years ago came slinking back into him.

She shook her head then looked down at her box of things, "Either way. . .It was wrong and I—"

Before she could say it herself, Finn interjected, "I should go."

The look on her face made him think maybe that wasn't what she was going to say, so he added, ". . .Yeah?"

A small smile appeared on her face and a tiny laugh fell from her lips, "I was just going to say I think we should go back to the kitchen."

"Oh." he laughed awkwardly, "So you don't think I should leave?"

"Well," she looked to ponder it, "I don't think what just happened meant anything. . .and actually, I was going to offer you my—our guest room." her face reddened, "So there would be less coordination efforts in the morning."

The thought seemed both inviting and risky. His first inclination was to accept the offer, it sent a weird fleeting spark of forbidden joy through his heart, but it also felt like he was lurking in the shadows of another man's life. Jake didn't know he was here. And even if he did, he didn't know why. If Jake knew that Finn was in his home, kissing his fiancé, he was sure that he wouldn't be being invited to stay the night.

"I—" he was about to double down and say, should probably just go, and maybe that would've been the right decision. But he saw the expression on Millie's face was hopeful, a hint of fear peeking from behind her wide eyes and he couldn't leave her alone. A protective instinct reared up in him.

"I can stay." he said, "I think we have a couple things to talk about anyways." he added with a chuckle. In order to justify this, he had to have a reason beyond her just asking him. And in all truthfulness, they did have a lot to talk about. Like, they literally had to discuss how they were going to weave a whole new human into their busy lives.

She smiled, "Then let's go talk." she said.

And they both left the closet, heading back in the direction of the living room. Finn desperately hoped that he would leave behind whatever it was that possessed him to kiss Millie in the closet where it happened. He wasn't romantically interested in her. He knew that much, yet he kissed her, so he knew he was still capable of making mistakes. He had to be more careful.