to make things awkward | fillie

29| mother's love

It went without saying that Millie wanted Finn next to her all night. Ava conveyed her distaste the second Finn left to get ready for bed, but Millie didn't care. She didn't want him to sleep with her, she couldn't even think about sex. What she wanted was for the one person who knew what she was going through to be as close as possible. They were bound by this person they created, and, whether Ava liked it or not, they were going to be for the rest of their lives.

And sure, maybe somewhere in the way back of her mind, Millie was considering what it would be like to attempt—dating? That seemed too diluted a word, but to give a romantic relationship a try wouldn't be out of the question. They'd have to be careful, extremely careful, a ruined relationship would upend Lucy's life once again, but a successful one could make it all the better.

But they wouldn't do it for Lucy, that would be naive. There was a real, authentic piece of Millie's heart that just adored Finn. The same piece that had loved him since they were kids, it just. . .evolved.

That wasn't the purpose of Finn being here tonight, though. She didn't even want to be near the subject. Their love lives didn't deserve the light of day right now, not when their daughter was, once again, apart from them. This time not by choice. Millie felt like she was missing half her body. Half her soul. She had been able to quell and subdue this feeling when she knew Lucy was with the Knoll's, but now? Lucy belonged with her. With her and Finn and their messy, chaotic, but often wondrous lives.

"We'll get her back." Finn said, laying on his back next to her in bed. The lights were out, but the moon was bright despite the rain that passed and rimmed the curtains with a soft silver glow. Millie turned on her side and saw the same moonlight lining Finn's profile.

"You say that with such conviction."

"You don't think so?"

"I don't think we'll get her back as soon as I want to."

"True. . ." He brought his hand up under his neck, "Realistically speaking, what's your goal?"

She ignored the question, "I don't think they'll give us custody until we sit in front of the judge and lay out our case. What if she doesn't even want us by then?"

"Do you really think she'd rather be with some rando family than her super cool birth parents?"

She snorted and Finn turned his head in her direction, "I missed that."

"What?"

"Laughter—your laughter."

"I laugh all the time." She said, "Don't be dramatic."

"I meant these past ten years. I kinda got used to it, living with you and all."

She didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say.

"Lucy's laugh sounds the same." he said, "I don't know if it's because you're both British or if it's actually genetic. . .I'm so glad she got more of you than me."

Her eyes having adjusted to the light more, she could see both his eyes staring at her across the two feet of mattress that separated them. He was surveying every inch of her face, making her cheeks warm. But he wouldn't be able to notice that in this lighting. Thank God.

"Well I'm happy she got your curls, and your freckles. . .and her mouth moves like yours."

His nose wrinkled as he grinned, "She's a keeper."

"She is."

He closed his eyes and Millie was afraid he was going to fall asleep, but then she noticed he had tears falling onto his pillow. It was heartbreaking to see. She wriggled closer to him and held his hands.