to make things awkward | fillie

25 | mistake

When Millie's eyes flitted open, the sunlight burned so she pulled them shut tight. She knew she wasn't at her apartment, but she couldn't quite place herself. All she knew was that she felt more refreshed than she had in a long time. Normally, she woke with at least a small sense of tiredness still lingering in her mind, but not this morning.

Eyes still closed, she heard birds chirping. She breathed in a long breath, soaking it in. It was such a joyful sound that she never got to enjoy in the city where mornings were tainted by sirens and honking and people.

Slowly her memory started coming back to her. She was at her parents house. In the guest house next to the pool. She and Finn were spending the night here while Lucy spent the night with Ava in the main house.

Her eyes snapped open. Finn.

Using more of her senses, she felt an arm around her middle, Finn's arm. She felt his body against her back, his light breaths on her neck. Their bodies were fit together like two puzzle pieces and her heart palpated, rising into her throat and falling into her stomach at the same time.

For a brief second, she wondered what happened last night and hoped to God that nothing happened last night. She would remember something like that, right? She thought back and a memory of the couch breaking struck her. Then her telling Finn to share the bed. Then her saying she was cold and thought being closer would help. The closeness reminded her of when they lived together and she remembered wanting him to hold her like he used to. It felt so stupid now.

What was I thinking?!

Something inside her had told her to just ask him to hold her, it wouldn't be that weird, but then again, Finn was with Elsie and maybe he'd have a problem with it. Only then had she noticed Elsie hadn't been around lately. Why hadn't she realized that before? Out of sight, out of mind, she supposed. So then, she asked, and sure enough, they weren't together. She remembered wanting to feel Finn closer. The sadness in his voice made her want to comfort him. Before she knew what she was doing, she was reaching behind her, taking his hand, guiding it over her body. She thought he might pull away, but on the contrary, he closed the space between them. All the space. And before she could consider how insane it was for her to have done that, she was asleep.

But now she was awake. And she was considering how insane she was. How stupid she was. How treacherous and faithless she was. She had just come clean to Noah about everything and was almost ready to tell Jake too, but now. . .What would she do now? She couldn't even blame Finn, it was all her. It was too much.

As slowly and as gently as she could, she peeled Finn's arm off of her and climbed out of the bed. The clock on the nightstand read 7:21 a.m. Not the longest she'd ever slept, so why did she feel so well-rested?

She ignored the question and grabbed her phone on the way to the bathroom. There was text from Jake wishing her a good morning and inquiring about yesterday's events. The cynical side of her brain knew he was paranoid about her and Finn—apparently rightfully so—but she also knew he had wondered how it would go with her family. They weren't as close as they'd been in the past and he wanted for her to regain that feeling, she leaned into this when she replied that it had gone as well as she could have hoped. Her parents weren't overly questioning and her siblings loved Lucy. As if anyone wouldn't, Lucy was magnetic.

After using the bathroom and brushing her teeth, she decided to take a shower. She needed to wash away any energetic evidence of her sleeping arrangement from her body. And the hot water almost did just that. . .Almost.

After turning the fan off in the bathroom, she heard muffled voices from the other side of the door and her stomach flipped. It was obvious they both slept in the same bed, anyone with eyes could see that. But it was a big bed. Could she pull off the lie that they kept their distance?