to make things awkward | fillie

27 | miracles and mall mishaps

Day one of the couple's therapy could have gone better. Millie knew that much, but it was mostly her fault that it went as pear-shaped as it had. But it was partially on Jake too, after all, he didn't even physically show up like they had planned. At the last minute, he called and said he arranged for it to be over Zoom, like that was somehow equivalent to him being by her side. She made it clear it wasn't, and he said it wouldn't happen again.

That didn't quell her anger though. And maybe that's why she ended up telling him then and there that she wasn't able to have any more kids. She didn't start the day wanting to level any attacks at him, but she needed to say it at some point and he was being so unfeeling that she thought maybe it wouldn't bother him. Maybe he didn't even care anymore.

But he did, and Dr. York, from the same office as Dr. Laurie, did a surprisingly good job of encouraging Jake to stay on the call. He had threatened to hang up several times, something he wouldn't have been able to do if he had shown up like he was supposed to. By the end of the session, tempers were at heightened, but manageable levels. That night, Jake called Millie back and apologized for the harsh things he had said, but Millie could still hear those words in her memory. Coward. Liar. They were pinpointed insults that cut through her like a sword because they were true. She wished he had called her a bitch, or a whore, because then she would have been justified in being angry at him for it. But she knew he would never use those words, because they weren't true and he wasn't a liar. When he spoke harsh words in anger, they were usually more authentically him. Things on his mind that he believed. It used to be something she loved about him because when they got in arguments or straight up fights, he was at least throwing honesty at her. But now it stung.

Her only consolation in the following weeks was that Lucy was happy more often than she was angry or sad, and seeing her smile could instantly make Millie smile as well. And she was seeming minutely more at home with her. Instead of hiding in her room most of the time, she was glued to her phone on the couch. She talked more openly at dinners and began asking for things she wanted. Like ice cream, more s'more nights, and game nights.

Lucy was slowly opening up to her, but when it came to Finn, it looked like she was as open as could be. Millie was surprised she wasn't calling him dad. Every time Finn came into the apartment, Lucy ran and jumped into his arms. She was always boisterously excited to go to the recording studio with him and talked about it endlessly when they got back. Millie wished she could share something with her too, but what could she do? Take her to meetings with executives and marketing consultants? Yeah, she'd have a blast with that.

But maybe she could take a risk and go shopping with her. Take her out to get some new clothes and shoes. She seemed to rotate between four outfits and even though she'd never complained about it, Millie knew how much fun experimenting with clothes could be at any age. She wanted to share that with Lucy, so she set up a day with Ava for all of them to go out. Lucy was visibly excited when Millie told her about it.

First, Millie had to get through this counseling session with Jake. He actually came home for it, so that was good, right? She had been nervous considering how poorly the last session had gone, but he bought her flowers and said they'd have a date night later. She actually felt hopeful.

"Welcome." Dr. York said, his brown eyes set in a kind smile, "Glad to see you both in person."

Was that a dig? Jake jerked his shoulders in the seat across from Millie and raised his eyebrows at her like she told the doctor to say that.

"Happy to have been able to make it, Doc." Jake said. Millie could hear the condescension in his voice, the therapist probably could too.

After going over their baseline feelings—Jake felt okay, but a tad annoyed and unheard, while Millie felt hopeful and nervous—the doctor brought up the same exercise Dr. Laurie had.