Downhill

16

DAY 7: Friday

Ask me? Ask me to what?

That question kept me up most of the night and clouded everything we did after our sofa session. I even thought about it as we showered. Even when we fucked again before we fell asleep. And this morning when we woke.

I knew I couldn't ask. But the niggling part of me thought that perhaps he wanted more than this week. Even though I knew we couldn't and shouldn't, the idea was so heavenly that I couldn't rid myself of it.

That was until he was walking down the steps in his suit. What the hell had I done? He looked like every Don Draper fantasy I ever had...I wanted to watch him drink dark liquor and smoke an unfiltered cigarette. Sigh.

And he was going out with Mitzi. Fucking Mitzi!

"Alright," he said grabbing his keys from the bowl by the door. "I'm off."

As he opened the door I joked, "Be sure to use protection!"

"Always," he mumble-whispered as he walked out.

Again - wrong response, Jacob!

I tried to busy myself around the cabin - prepping food for the morning, doing a load of sheets, and doing some stray dishes. Then I decided a dip in the hot tub would be nice since my only time in it was rather sexual.

But that reminded me of Jacob. So I only stayed in a few minutes.

After eating some leftovers, I curled up on the couch in my pajamas to watch some TV. Unfortunately, I managed to fall asleep only to be woken up in the early morning hours.

"Shhhh," came Jacob's slurred voice as he clumsily entered the front door.

"Are you going to be okay?" Mitzi asked.

I heard Jacob shush her again and the door close. "You can't stay," he whispered.

"But..."

"I'm not alone here..."

"Oh yes, Elizabeth," she whispered back. "I'm glad we could have fun in the car then," and she giggled. Fucking giggled.

"About that..."

But his voice was cut off and I heard noises that could only be described as 'kissy noises.' She moaned.

"You have to go," Jacob whispered and opened the door.

"Good night, lover," Mitzi whispered and I wanted to cut a blonde bitch. Lover? Who the fuck says that shit?

"Good night," he said back and shut the door.

I stayed still. I hoped he was drunk enough to not realize I was on the sofa. When I heard his feet on the steps, I waited until I heard his bedroom door open.

"Charlotte!"

Oh great. He actually thought I would be in his bed after he goes off and fucks a hoe.

I heard his steps and doors open. When he barreled down the steps I sat upright.

"I'm here," I said drolly. I couldn't be mad. I told him to go out. But I wasn't going to crawl into bed with him while he stank of skank.

"Oh shit," he puffed, bending over to grab his knees. "I thought you left."

"No. I fell asleep out here," I said.

"Bed?"

"I'm going to sleep in my bed..."

"Rule number..."

"You are drunk and just had sex with another woman. I think we can press pause on the rules for the night. Yes?" I said, standing up and approaching the stairs.

"Charlotte? I uh..."

"Save it for the morning," I said walking by him. He smelled of whisky and expensive perfume.

"Okay," he mumbled as he followed me up. He paused at his door. "You told me..."

"Good night, lover," I said not looking back as I entered my room.

***

DAY 8: Saturday

I woke up feeling like shit. Not sick per se, but hating myself. I knew I wouldn't do well with him dating another woman. But I let it happen. Basically encouraged it.

What was I going to say to him? Just one more day. I could still be with him for one more day. I didn't want to fuck that up.

So I put on my big girl pants and went downstairs. But Jacob was already up.

He was out by the hot tub, and surprisingly enough, had a cigarette in his mouth. He was staring into the snowy trees, and taking slow contemplative drags.

As I opened the door, he turned around. "You're still here."

He sounded almost upset about it. Like it would have been better that I leave.

"Um, yep. My flight is tomorrow. I didn't know you..."

He looked down at the cigarette that I gestured to. "I don't usually. Look uh..." His expression was grim.

"I don't mind. I'm just surprised. Would you like bre..."

He stood up abruptly and flicked the cigarette into the snow. "The fuck, Charlotte?! You're going to act like everything is the same?! Like I didn't fuck up? Maybe it is to you! Shit! You wanted me to go out last night..."

"What are you..."

He stepped forward, his finger pointing at me. "I wouldn't have fucked her if I didn't think that was what you wanted! I kept saying I wasn't interested. Then I kept hearing your voice saying that you wanted me to go out. Use protection! Ha!"

"I didn't..."

"You did! I didn't even want to go out with her..." he turned to face away from me. "But you insisted..."

"I didn't tell you to fuck her! If you did that, it was all on you! And so fucking what?! Huh?! It's not like you and I," I waved my hand between us as he turned back to look at me, "could be anything! You need a woman like Mitzi!"

He looked completely angry and almost broken by my words. "You're right. And you didn't make me do it. Yea, I wanted to fuck her." He gave a smirk and a slight shake of his head. "I'm going skiing."

He walked around me into the house as I stood there completely speechless. The cold air chilled the single tear running down my cheek. I slowly turned back to enter the house, wiping it away with my sleeve.

I entered the kitchen and made some coffee. As I heard the door slam, I broke down. My chest heaved and palms supported my weight on the counter. Tears streamed down my face. It was a complete ugly cry.

Fifteen minutes later I was packed with a new flight leaving in three hours. Liz knew I was coming home and to clear my room of Belgians. She thought I was bored and wanted to get back to the city. Little did she know her father broke my heart.

The Uber took me to the airport and I didn't even realize I needed my meds until we were speeding down the runway. I doubled my dose and woke a zombie at LaGuardia.

I grabbed a taxi and by the time I arrived home, Liz was out at a club with her boyfriends. I changed my sheets to be sure I wasn't sleeping in a biohazard and began to cry again.

I told myself it would have ended anyway. That it may be for the best that we didn't end well. That I would always wonder 'what if' had it ended like we planned. But the pain in my chest didn't care and knew these tears would have come no matter what.

I had fallen in love with my best friend's dad.