Jokers

61

Leo's POV: 

5 letters. 

It could be anything. Any random 5 letter word. 

So why did my heart jump to the word, 'sorry.' 

Out of all the 5 letters in the world why did I manage to only see this as the one to use. Why did she manage to figure me out so easily. 

She always managed to leave me angry about something. I hated how she made me feel angry for her. I hated how she seemed to know exactly what I was feeling. On the roof top just yesterday when she wrapped my bandages. Today, when she knew exactly the words I needed to hear. I hated it all. 

I hated her. 

Yet somehow I wasn't as passionate about this hate as I was about the others. Yes I hated how she made me feel angry when she passed out and yes I hated how she could figure me out but somehow, I don't think that I could hater her as a whole. 

I think I must have gone insane today, after bringing her to the house and looking at how she still wasn't awake and before I knew it a sudden spike of panic made way inside of me. 

I walked down the hallways. The memory still pissing me off. I stopped at the door I needed to get to though. 

Mirae's room. 

I thought back to my 5 letters. I could do it. 

Like she said perhaps even the guilt that was eating me up inside would leave for awhile. I didn't deserve it though. I knew that full well and that was why half of me desperately wanted Mirae to not forgive me becuase I didn't deserve it. 

I knocked on the door. Once. Twice. 

I waited patiently, nervous. I could do it. 

For some reason in that moment, my mind drifted back towards the incident that happened yesterday. 

"Be brave. Don't give up." 

Before I could think anymore the door opened. Revealing a tired looking Rhian. 

"Yes." He blinked rubbing his eyes. Looking startled to see me. 

"I need to talk to Rae." I croaked out. I would be brave. 

He narrowed his eyes at me. "About?" 

"I just need to talk to her. If you won't let me then that's fine." I sighed. 

I knew I didn't deserve it after I hurt my sister so much. 

His expression softened as he looked at me. Perhaps he could see the pain on my face, or perhaps he could see the guilt. Any of them was just as bad as the other.  

"Hey, Leo. I'm sorry, come on in." He smiled lightly. 

I swallowed at just how easy the words tumbled out of his mouth. At how easily he had just apologised right now. 

I followed him into the room, my eyes catching the extremely classy looking room Infront of me, but I didn't look too much at it, my eyes were focused on my sister. 

Curled up in a beige armchair looking out of the window. She looked lost, tired and like she'd been rid of emotion. Yet still somehow she was still my beautiful older sister. 

"Mira. Leo said he wanted to speak to you." Rhian spoke for me. 

Mirae head immediately whipped around at the mention of my name. She pushed herself up from her chair, nearly tripping. Rhian moved out of her way immediately and made way for the door. Clearly knowing that he was better not to get involved. 

"Leo? Where is he?" She asked him erratically. 

"I'm here." I called out. Surprised at her behaviour. 

She ran up to me and hugged me, wrapping her arms around me. Rhian popped his head through the doorway tentatively at the sound of Mirae crying. When he was assure that she was fine he retreated back. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She sobbed. 

I stood frozen. Why was she sorry? She had done nothing wrong. Nothing. 

"I didn't mean for my words to affect you and I know how much you loved mother-" 

"I'm sorry." 

She stopped what she was saying and her hands around me fell. She took a couple of steps back shock filling her face. 

"I'm sorry Mirae. I was wrong." I repeated. "You did nothing wrong, you don't need to apologise to me or even forgive me. I was the one who was being a fool and refused to see it. I'm sorry." 

A tear escaped Mirae's eyes. She smiled. 

"In 22 years that's the first time you've managed to say that to me. You know that?" She grinned as more tears escaped her eyes. 

I took a deep breath in forcing the words out of my mouth. 

"I-" I stumbled upon my words, a feeling so unnatural that I didn't even know I could feel. "I'm sorry that took so long for me to say. I'm sorry that instead of thanking you for practically raising us I got angry." 

I said nothing. I looked down at the floor. So this is what shame felt like? I needed to get out of this room, more then that I needed to act like how I had always done this made me feel uncomfortable. 

"Hearing those words out of your mouth feels so weird." She shook her head. 

"Know this Leo. I love you and all of my siblings, so much. I never did it to get a thanks. Or even a sorry. In fact i'm glad that I had to go through that, I rather it be me then any of you. Anytime. Any day, and even all over again. If I knew it meant you all were safe. Your my family, and god if I don't love the hell out of all of you." 

She looked at me with a gaze that I found hard to hold. I looked at the floor and pushed all of the emotions that were threatening to creep up, down. Somewhere deep inside of me that when I was perhaps alone they'd let themselves out, relieved from the cramped spaces they had to exist in, becuase that's how it had to be. 

These feelings could only exist there. It was impossible to get rid of them and trust me I'd tried. Feelings had a way of lingering and attacking when you least expected them to. 

"Well. That's all." I snapped. "I need to go." 

"Wait Leo." She called as I made my way to the door. 

"What." I sighed. 

"Say your sorry again. I'll forgive you." She called teasingly. 

"Forget it. I don't need you forgiveness." I scowled. 

For such a simple word, there were such annoying things behind. 

"Well. Ok. Fine then. I won't forgive you." She shrugged. 

I spun around. 

"I'm sorry." I gritted out. 

"And?" She pressed. 

"I was wrong." I sighed. 

She clapped her hands together in joy. I left the room Immediately. I couldn't stand watching her triumphant face. 

It was a stark contrast with Cardans scowling one that I had seen 3 hours before all of this. Just like Keiji had asked I had gone to see him.