Chance of Love

Chapter 16

The next day was Saturday. Amanda dreaded weekends with Mark because the time seemed to stretch endlessly.

Mark took Amanda shopping for a baseball glove and proper running shoes. She was looking forward to their first practice, even though she had not played on a softball team since she was a child.

That night at supper, Amanda grew tired of their polite small talk. She decided to ask Mark some serious questions. She dreaded the answers, but she was tired of living in limbo.

"Mark, there's something I need to know and I want to you to be honest with me."

"What is it?" he asked, suddenly puzzled.

"Do you love me?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

Mark looked down and rested his cutlery on his plate.

"Why are you asking me that now?" he said defensively.

"Because you haven't said it since you came home from the hospital and I was wondering if you even care for me."

"Of course I care about you," he replied curtly. "As for love, I don't exactly remember that part of our relationship, so I don't know if I love you the way I did before. You're a nice person, Amanda. I'm sure I'll come to love you again. Just don't give up on me."

Amanda felt a huge lump in her throat. Why had she been so determined to get answers? Now her heart was broken. But how could she give up on their relationship when Mark was still there, still with her, despite his amnesia?

"I think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard." she said, feeling a tear roll down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Amanda. I truly am. Please don't give up on our marriage. I'm not."

Amanda stood up and started gathering the dishes.

"It's hard to hear you say those things," she said, as she left to go to the kitchen.

"You asked me the question," Mark called after her. "Did you want me to lie?"

Amanda didn't answer him. She'd lost her appetite. Maybe Mark would find her more attractive if she didn't eat as much. She had gotten a bit plump since her surgery, but Mark hadn't complained about it.

Mark brought his dishes into the kitchen.

"Amanda, I'm sorry," he said, rubbing her shoulder.

She shrugged his arm off, not wanting to hear platitudes.

"Would you stop apologizing?" she said, feeling exasperated. "It starts to lose its meaning after a while. Just leave me alone."

"Fine." Mark dropped his dishes in the sink and stalked out of the room.

Now they were both miserable. Amanda didn't finish the dishes. She went outside to do some weeding. She couldn't stand to be in the house any longer.

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Amanda did not realize how competitive Mark was until they started playing on the softball team. Mark cheered everybody on, of course, but he got upset every time they lost an inning or a game. Paul said Mark wasn't usually like that. Amanda couldn't figure it out, either.

Mark gave Amanda lots of coaching and tips for every move she made on the field. She felt like she was under a microscope every time she played. Mark would give her a hard time after the game was over if she had dropped a ball or struck out at bat.

When they hung out with Paul and Carrie after the games, Paul had to ask Mark to take it easy on Amanda. Carrie played the game for fun and Paul didn't care how well she played.

"You should care," Mark argued. "We want to do well in the tournament, don't we?"

Paul shook his head.

"You're not listening to me, man," he said, giving Amanda a pitying look.

Amanda tried hard to maintain her composure in front of Paul and Carrie. Unfortunately, Carrie could tell how upset Amanda was.

"Don't take what he says personally," Carrie said. "Just try to have fun."

"That's easier said than done," Amanda muttered.

Amanda found her only happiness with her teaching jobs. She was glad to be on the sub list because it kept her busy and she didn't have to worry about Mark all day. Their relationship had deteriorated to the point where they were like roommates instead of lovers. The only time they spoke was to talk about their finances, housework, or softball games.

The weather got really warm and Mark started flying his plane again. He didn't go very far, however. He was nervous about his head injury causing problems. He still had headaches and high altitudes made them worse. He didn't take Amanda with him because he didn't want to risk her safety if anything went wrong.

The weather was scorching hot by the time summer began. The softball season was almost over. Amanda was losing weight. She didn't eat much during the day. At night she drank mostly water. Mark didn't say anything about her weight loss. He probably didn't notice. She doubted he found her attractive, anyway.

One afternoon Amanda was napping on the couch when Mark came home from work.

"Amanda, what are you doing?" Mark demanded. "We have a game in half an hour. You were supposed to be ready by now."

Amanda sat up, rubbing her eyes. She had been doing yard work earlier and the heat had exhausted her.

"I'll go get changed," she muttered, heading toward the bedroom to change into her uniform. Mark was ready to go, so Amanda didn't want him to get any angrier. She really didn't feel like playing ball, but Mark wouldn't let her sit out the game.

Once Amanda was ready, Mark rushed her out the door. They were almost to the ball field when Amanda realized she had forgotten her hat. It was still really sunny out, so she didn't know how she was going to shade her eyes. She didn't think Mark would let her borrow his. He was the short stop and needed his hat more than she needed hers.

"What's the matter?" Mark asked as they pulled into the parking lot.

"Nothing. Why?" she replied.

"You seem quieter than usual. Is something bothering you?"

"No. I'm just tired."

"Well, this is one of the last games. Do you think you'll be able to play tonight?"

Now he was asking her? It was too late to back out now.

"I'll do my best," she replied, fatigue evident in her tone.

"That's all anybody can ask," he said, smiling at her encouragingly. It was the old smile that used to take her breath away.

After warming up, their team was first to play in the field. Amanda trudged to her spot in right field, wishing she was in the shade with a cold glass of iced tea. She used her hand to shade her eyes. Luckily, she was able to catch the pop fly that flew in her direction. Mark was happy about that.

By the fifth inning, their team was down by two points and it was their turn to be in the field. Amanda was feeling dizzy. She figured she must be getting too much sun. She was glad to be in the field so no one could bother her. She wanted to sit down, but she didn't want to let down the team.

Suddenly, a fly ball came sailing toward her. She couldn't quite see the angle of the ball because the sun was in her eyes. She tried to shade her eyes with one hand and catch the ball with her glove hand. She missed.

"Amanda! Throw it to second base!" Mark yelled.

Amanda bent down to retrieve the ball and suddenly there was a roaring in her ears. She couldn't grasp the ball. She could hear Mark yelling at her. It sounded like he was far away.

She stood up, her head pounding. She couldn't seem to focus. She heard Mark calling her name. The grass in front of her was blurry.

Suddenly, Amanda sank to her knees. She couldn't hold up her head any longer. The rest of her fell to the ground. Then everything went black.