I never know why. I only know who. (AU)

Chapter 16

Clara was retracing the same three steps by her door, over and over. John was five minutes late. It didn't usually matter, but she was getting panicked that he wouldn't show up at all.

They hadn't even talked after she had told him. She had cried for a short while, but her father had got home early and wanted to take Clara out for a family dinner, so John had to say she was ill to get out of it. Unfortunately, it meant that they couldn't exactly talk about it, so John left with the promise to be back at nine the next morning.

At least it was a Saturday. That might be the reason he was late. He probably had a late night and slept in. She shouldn't really be a stressed out about it as she was.

But she was scared that he wasn't going to come back to her. She was scared that he had left her in this mess all alone, although John would never do such a thing. She had spent the entire night scared about what on Earth they were going to do.

This kind of thing happened to girls who's parents encouraged them to sleep around and have kids young. Not her, who's family expected her to be four years married before she even began to start trying for a child.

Her mind was racing, and her brain hurt from the lack of sleep she had got. She was sure she looked a mess, but she just needed John back. They needed to talk urgently. They had to sort it all out before she drive herself crazy with worry. It would all be fine, she just needed John to help her.

When she heard the small knock on the door downstairs, it was like a wave of relief had flooded her body and she was somehow able to relax some, although not entirely.

She could faintly hear the short conversation John had with her Dad as they exchanged greetings, before she heard John running up the stairs and in moments he was in her bedroom.

He opened the door wide, causing her to step back for a moment. But she barely had a second to even move before he had pulled her back into a hug. She'd never realised just how much she had needed that, but he could clearly tell how tense she was bound to have been and it seemed he had been that way too.

He stroked her hair softly, laying a kiss on her forehead, as she rested her head in his chest. She wasn't crying, or really doing much apart from breathing, but it was comforting all the same.

"John." She whispered after a few moments feeling how rigid his muscles were. It was like he had been put in a freezer all night and every bit of blood in his body had turned to ice, which was in a vast contrast to the warmth his skin was radiating.

"Yeah?" He replied quietly, starting to slowly loosen his grip around her body so that they could actually talk.

They slowly pulled apart, facing one another. Clara's question was nearly lost in her mouth when she saw the dark bags under John's eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink, although she assumed she looked exactly the same.

"Are you..." She wasn't sure if the word was the right one to use, but for lack of any others, she finished her sentence. "Okay?" She breathed out, eyes fixated on his chest in fear of finding awful feelings behind his eyes.

John waited a painful few seconds, which seemed to last forever, before he answered, "Yeah." She gave him a small nod in acceptance of his answer, and once again the dismal silence last a tiny few seconds, but each one felt like an eternity. "You?"

She simply nodded in response at first, unsure if she could muster the courage to say yes and lie to him. It felt wrong to do that. Especially in this situation, it felt like betrayal.

"I guess." She softly mumbled, not looking into his eyes, knowing that he knew she was trying her best to make him more at ease.

More silence. Except this time it felt more eternal. Yesterday they had been laughing like absolutely nothing was wrong, and now they were standing in front of each other, unsure if they would ever be able to utter a single world ever again.