I never know why. I only know who. (AU)

Chapter 17

They had set a date at the clinic for three weeks time. They had tried to get one sooner, but it seemed like there was a waiting list for the NHS, and there was no way they had the right amount of money to go private for it.

She had never felt more relieved that she was already sixteen when she read that some doctors wouldn't perform the termination under that age. She'd been panicking they would ask for her parent's signature, and she wasn't sure she would be able to do that.

Clara wasn't oblivious to just how close and protective John was being. It was clear to almost everyone else too, but they just assumed it was because Clara looked constantly pale and ill. Also because they were both acting weird, so everyone assumed it could be a simple relationship issue they needed to resolve.

But Clara felt more and more paranoid by the minute that everyone knew. No-one was treating her any differently than before, yet she still somehow felt like everyone was glaring at her.

John had assured her that it wasn't the case, but she still felt so vulnerable.

But by the end of the first to weeks of waiting, Clara had made herself sick with worry. She was scared about the abortion. She just felt like she couldn't do it.

She was seven weeks pregnant, yet she somehow felt like the small thing inside of her was already a part of who she was. She could barely explain it, but the more she thought about it, the more it ate away at her thoughts.

She constantly started to wonder what the child would be like in the future, and all the things it wouldn't have if she was to get rid of it. She kept on thinking about her mother, and what her mother would say. Her Mother would have helped her through the pregnancy if she had asked her to.

But her Mum was dead and now she had no-one else who could hold her and tell her it was all okay. That's all she needed right now. Someone who wasn't as divested in this situation as John was, to tell her it would all be okay and that she would be fine.

The worry was what people started to pick up on. In particular, it was her Dad. She had acted strange a lot in recent times, but never quite like this. She just seemed so distant and constantly scared of him. The only other time he had seen her like this was when she had avoided him after the year nine incident, and he found out later that was because she was still talking to the same friends and she feared he would kill her for it.

It was the same fear she was harbouring now. She didn't want to be caught, and she was scared of what her Father's reaction would be if he ever found out. The first thought that came into her mind was that he would beat John with a club to the death. And simply, that thought was enough to make her go completely paranoid.

So when Clara sat down to dinner on the Friday night, one week before her appointment was due, she certainly had not expected her father to stare at her the entire time as if he was trying to work out a puzzle in his head. It was unnerving to say the least, and Clara didn't like it one bit.

She held her breath as she looked down at the chicken on her plate, unsure if she would be able to stand the smell , let alone manage to digest the food without being sick. But her Father, for the first time in what seemed like forever, had demanded they eat at the dinner table. He had mostly done it to see what was bugging Clara. he was afraid she had broken up with John or something, although he seemed to be around at the house every other day still.

Clara stared at the chicken breast for a good five minutes, trying slowly to accept the smell. It was strange how her sense of smell had suddenly become so strong, and she could no longer accept half of them. After a few sniffs, she wanted to shrivel up her nose and cry, but she couldn't. Not in front of her father. He was watching her acutely, and she knew he was.