I never know why. I only know who. (AU)

Chapter 29

Clara had never really hated New Years Eve before. It was usually filled with crappy parties she was dragged along to or something she had little interest in, but it wasn't an awful time.

She just didn't see what the huge fuss was. It was a new year. Nothing more. A new year doesn't bring a new start or a new side to yourself. If you were a twat before the clock struck twelve, you will be afterwards too. If you cheated on your partner last year, just because a second ticked by it doesn't change what you did or make it right. You're still what you were, no matter what the year is.

So when everyone cheers and wishes for a new start when Big Ben hits that final dime, everyone is hoping for a better year. And every year we hope for a better one because the last one was crap, but for some reason people don't catch on to that.

For Clara, last year she had wished that her life would get better. She wished that she would get her top results and that everything would be perfect like it should be.

Instead she lost her Mum and got pregnant at sixteen. That was definitely not what she'd wished for.

Because, in the end, wishes do nothing. There's not some greater force that grants your wishes for you, it's your own will and your own doing that gets them done. Clara could wish for her Mum to come back to life all she wanted, but it wasn't going to happen. If she had told anyone that she was going to wish for that, they would have called her insane. Yet everyone thinks of wishes about finding the perfect man that year or getting top results when, simply, if you weren't going to get it anyway, it's not going to happen just because you made a simple wish.

Clara looked to the floor as people crowded around in her house. Her Dad had decided he would have his work friends over and a few family friends to bring in the new year together. There was a light beat in the background, but nothing heavy.

There were drinks, not like she was allowed any. Although, she'd been offered at least four times within the first hour by her father's workmates. As if the fact she was holding her stomach in a shirt that stuck her bump out by a long way wasn't enough of a clue in itself.

Clara wished that she could erase the whole of the last year and start again. But knowing that wasn't going to happen, she wished that this year might not be as bad as was it inevitably would be. Because there was no way this year was going to be good. All you had to do was look at the circumstances to know that.

She was stood in the corridor, a coke in her hand as she waited for something to do. She was too tired to care about the new year, and she felt awful.

But that was mainly because she had decided to do it tonight. What a crappy way to the end the year, she thought. She wouldn't do it after midnight though. As stupid as she found tradition and suspicion, she didn't want to start John's year with shit.

Clara heard a whistle aimed in her direction and she looked up to see her Dad tilting his head to the side as he raised his eyebrows.

She looked towards the door, which was the direction her Dad was showing her, and she saw John walking through the door with Dinah. David wouldn't be there because he'd gone back to University for a new years party.

"Hey." Clara smiled, watching as John moved towards her like gravity. He was by her side in seconds, pulling her into a hug.

"Happy New Years Eve." He mumbled, pulling back to give her a kiss on the cheek. she hadn't seen him since boxing day morning, when he had to go back home quickly. Diana had taken them on a surprise trip to Wales for four days, which Clara knew he would hate every minute of. She hadn't banned phones after John's argument that he had to stay in contact with Clara for the sake of the baby and her health, meaning they had been able to text. Not that they actually had much.