I never know why. I only know who. (AU)

Chapter 32

Shorter one. - Megan.

They walked into the house slowly, knowing that everyone was on edge from the moment the door was heard opening.

John walked into the living room first, soon followed by Clara and then Amy. People took a sharp breath as everyone wasn't quite sure what they were meant to do.

"Hi." Clara said softly, looking down to the floor. they really hadn't been lying when they said the house was crowded. There were policemen everywhere. She was shocked they'd even bothered.

"Clara." Dave said briskly, standing up out of his chair. He looked flaming and she could barely meet his eye, or anyone's for that matter. He walked towards her slowly, making her know he would be furious. She was willing to take it all though. He truly looked like hell.

"Don't you ever do that to me again." He said slowly, his voice breaking from angry to sad and scared at the end. "Don't ever do that ever again, do you hear me young lady?" He tried his hardest to sound mad, but his voice ended in a choked cry.

Clara nodded quickly, looking up at him apologetically. "I'm sorry Dad." She whispered as his arms flung around her, pulling her into his chest as he stroked her hair gently, allowing a tear to fall. She felt it hit her cold hair, now dripping from the melting snowflakes.

"Oh God, I was so scared." He whispered to her and she could feel everyone's anger and relief in the entire room at that moment. There wasn't much she could really say, but she knew it would take a while.

She suddenly felt another pair of arms around her from behind, trying to cram into the tight doorway. She could tell from the style of the hug that it was her Gran, who was also taking relieved breaths.

"I'm sorry." She said again, this time it was intended for the whole room. "I didn't...If I'd have known you'd have all panicked so much I would have come home earlier. I just...I just wanted to think, you know? And I'm sorry for being so stupid about it..."

Clara took a sharp breath as her Dad held her tighter. "Dad?" She asked slowly, her air becoming restricted.

"Yeah?" He mumbled finally relieved that his worrying could be over.

"I can't breathe." She mumbled, his grip immediately loosening as he stood back so she could get herself in check.

There was a small silence as the police were about to speak, before Mr Wind suddenly chirped, "Are you okay? You were out in the cold for ages."

She hadn't even realised he was there and it made her shocked to say the least, but she was grateful in some ways. From that moment on, everyone was fussing about her health and where she was, the delicate approach in the room gone from before.

She was grounded. For the rest of her life, according to her Dad. She knew it was a bit silly in some ways, but she knew it would take a lot for him to forgive her.

Amy had left eventually, after many thanks from John, who had kept to the shadows. There was so much they had to say each other, but it seemed the police would need her for longer than expected.

He had stayed, in the hope they could talk. Even after two whole hours of people checking up on her and demanding she see a Doctor tomorrow to check for colds and to see the baby was okay, he kept to the shadows, being quiet in the hope he could say goodnight.

She was shocked he was still there in all honesty. She had thought he'd left from how quiet he had been, but he'd simply stayed in the kitchen with some tea and Gran as they talked. She didn't know what about, but she knew that everyone was tired, and slightly angry. the police were relieved, but annoyed too at the paperwork that would have to happen. And everyone involved in the search didn't hesitate to tell Clara how pissed off, yet happy they were. It seemed like everyone was having contrasting emotions.

"John?" Clara murmured, entering the kitchen as she saw him leaning against the counter. Her Gran had just left and she was finally able to have some alone time with him. It may have been two in the morning, but it was better than nothing.

"Hey." He smiled, opening up his arm. She walked over quickly, resting her head on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him, fitting perfectly like she belonged there.

"Hey." She replied, holding him tight as she tried to communicate her apologies in one simply action.

They didn't need words for a while. He put down his tea to hold her properly, and they simply waited, John planting the occasional small kiss on Clara's head.

"I know that I said I didn't wanted her, but..." Clara began, hearing John's sharp intake as she spoke. "But I want her to have better. And, just hear me out...I looked it up. We can request to meet the parents first, if they agree to it, and we can ask them to tell her she is adopted. And...when she's eighteen, we're allowed to make contact through social services. So...so, if we're still together then or even if we're just friends, it could be something we'll do together and we'll get to meet her then. It's not ideal, but I thought if...if we start now we can make a box? And put things and stuff we've made in it for her. So maybe one day her new parents can give it to her."

John nodded slowly. "That sounds really good Clara. It sounds...weirdly perfect. I really don't want to say that because it involves giving him up, but it sounds perfect for her." He admitted, Clara agreeing with him.

"But...we won't name her. We can't allow ourselves to get attached like that. So we'll call her baby girl for now, okay?" Clara said softly, knowing that if they dared give her any other pet-names then it would hurt too much to let go.

"Okay." John said softly, moving his hand to rest on her bump. "Okay." He repeated himself, kissing her forehead gently one last time.

He took her hands he lead her out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Dave was asleep on the sofa, but he had already assumed that John would stay the night. It seemed practical anyway.

"Clara?" John whispered, once they were inside her room with the door shut. "What I said about wishing I'd never loved you..."

"You were angry John, that's all." She stopped him, refusing to accept it.

"But..."

"No buts. I know. That's all that matters. I didn't forget, remember." She smiled softly at him as she stood on her tiptoes, grabbing his temples softly so she could pull his head down to kiss him on the forehead like he so often did to her. It made him laugh lightly, feeling young again, but the action was meaningful and comforting.

"We're a mess, aren't we?" Clara laughed, smiling at him as her hand went instinctively to rest under her bump.

"Yeah. But a pretty good one, if you don't mind me saying." John smiled back, pulling her in for a hug once more.

"Yeah." Clara agreed. "Pretty good." She took a small pause before whispering once more, "Pretty good."