The Way It Was - Abridged (Complete)

6

Now

Maquiling

NAGMULAT ako ng mga mata. Kinapa ko ang phone na madalas naman na hindi gaanong nalalayo sa akin. I looked at the time. I had half an hour before my alarm sounded. Mas madalas na hindi ko na kailangan ng alarm pero parang medyo nahihirapan ako. My body was adjusted, it had been almost a week since I came back. I spent three days in Manila before coming home to Maquiling, a small town where I lived with my grandfather.

Maquiling had been home for a decade now. It was the place where I healed and had built myself. This was the place where I found myself. I learned how to be kinder to myself, how to really love myself.

The place that was untouched by Roarke.

I tested negative for the virus, but I decided to take extra precautions. I didn't want to take my chances with Lolo Hank. I made sure I still tested negative before coming home. It also gave me the time to calm myself and really thought things through. I had tortured myself for that three days.

I was still a mess but I needed to be home with Lolo. Umaasa ako na mas magiging maayos ang lahat sa akin kapag nakauwi na ako. Hindi ko rin naman planong sabihin sa lolo ko ang ginawa ko sa New York. I believed Lolo Hank had almost forgotten about Roarke now. He had never met the guy but he heard a lot about him. Lolo knew I was in a very serious romantic relationship while I was in med school. He knew the man was a rockstar.

Pero sa mga nakalipas na taon ay hindi na namin gaanong napag-uusapan. Lolo Hank had encouraged me to date and open my heart again. I had taken his advice. I had tried.

But it did not work out. We could have made it work, but it was not the same as what I had with Roarke. I truly did not believe I'd have something like that again. It was once in a lifetime.

I wanted love and passion. Noong una ay gusto kong pagalitan ang sarili ko dahil hindi na ako bata. I should be pragmatic and practical now. Life was not a fairy tale. There was no happy ever after.

"Be with someone who's gonna be your best friend for life."

Iyon ang minsan na sinabi ni Lolo Hank sa akin. It was a solid advice. Lola Marianna was his best friend, he would always say. But then I also knew my grandparents were very much in love with each other. They had friendship but they also had fire and passion.

Was I too greedy to want something like that?

Bago ko pa man talaga mapag-isipan ang sagot sa tanong na iyon ay bumangon na ako sa higaan. I was going to torture myself more and I had to remind myself of the things I had to do. I had responsibilities.

Hindi ko siguro makakalimutan ang mga nangyari. Siguro ay lalamunin pa rin ako ng guilt, pero kailangan kong kumilos.

Lumabas ako sa kuwarto ko pagkatapos kong gumamit ng banyo. Tahimik na tahimik pa ang kabahayan. Tulog pa si Lolo Hank. Bumaba ako at dumeretso sa kusina.

Gumawa ako ng kape ko at ininom iyon habang maingat na inilalabas mula sa ref ang mga kailangan ko. Breakfast like a king; lunch like a prince; and dinner like a pauper. My grandfather had believed in that. Breakfast would always be his most important meal of the day.

Walang kaning lamig kaya nagsaing ako sa rice cooker. Hindi ako mahusay na magluto pero masasabing desente na ako sa kusina ngayon. Hindi ko pa rin kayang magluto ng mga komplikadong ulam, pero kaya kong magprito ng itlog at magpakulo ng tocino o longganisa. Kaya ko ring mag-steam ng mga gulay. May mga leftover ulam na kailangan lang iinit.

My lolo and I were very lucky to have generous people who would give us food. Regular kaming binibigyan ng mga lutong pagkain at gulay ni Lola Martha.

Lola Martha was a very close family friend. When she was sixteen, she got pregnant and her family shunned her. Ayon sa mga kuwento na narinig ko, kinupkop siya ng pamilya ni Lolo Hank. She became one of the hired helpers. Labandera at kusinera–all around. My great grandmother taught Lola Martha how to cook.