The Way It Was - Abridged (Complete)

1

Now

New York

"IT'S NOT too late for you, Marianne. You can still go back. There's no shame."

Dinala ko muna sa bibig ko ang inumin ko at sumimsim. Banayad kong nginitian si Dr. Jaimie Yang-Rathert-Zaldua, also known as Mom. My Halmeoni, mom's mom, hyphenated her name and Mom did not want to lose all her surnames when she married Dad. It had been weird while growing up but I had come to accept that.

My older brother and I had to use three hyphenated surnames too until we decided to just use the initials. She let us because it became a bother on forms and such. I was Marianne YR Zaldua. Mas madaling gamitin lalo na at sa Pilipinas na ako nakapirmi talaga.

Tumingin ako kay Dad na tahimik lang. Nakita niyang nakatingin ako at banayad niya akong nginitian. Ginantihan ko ang ngiti niya.

"Henry, tell your daughter she needs to go back to med school."

"Yani's not coming back, honey," sabi ni Dad. "It's been ten years."

Bumuntong-hininga si Mom.

Sa ibang panahon at pagkakataon, maiinis siguro ako. Pero matagal kong hindi nakita at nakasama nang personal ang mga magulang ko. I was not able to travel for three years. When the travel bans were lifted, I didn't rush on traveling to see my family in New York. Kinailangan kong mas isipin ang lolo ko na kasama ko sa Pilipinas.

Lolo na isa ring doktor. The town doctor. He insisted on still working. When the virus was killing medical professionals, he insisted on being on the front lines. He was given a choice not to because of his age, but he was very stubborn.

Kung ito man ang ikamamatay ko, wala akong magagawa, Yani. May sinumpaan akong tungkulin. Mamamatay akong doktor.

The old man hadn't gotten the virus. Maybe because we lived and he practiced in a small town. Maybe because the administration of the clinic did a very good job in maintaining health protocols. Maybe because our local government also did a very good job maintaining our bubble. Maybe all of the above.

Lolo Hank even joked it was embarrassing now that he had not gotten it yet. I had always been grateful we sailed through that rough time though. Hindi naging madali at sa loob ng mahabang panahon ay nabuhay ako sa takot. When news was littered with doctors, nurses and frontliners dying of the virus, I had been so terrified I would lose the one person who helped me fix all the broken pieces of me. I begged for him not to practice and everyone would understand because of his age, but he was stubborn as hell. Kahit na lumuha ako ng dugo ay walang saysay. I had been quite insufferable because of that.

Nag-alala rin naman ako nang husto sa mga magulang at kapatid ko na pare-parehong mga doktor. Araw-araw ay nabuhay ako sa takot na baka isa sa aking pamilya ang mawala dahil sa virus. I had been so grateful they were all okay. I finally got to see them and spent time with them. Bahagya akong nalungkot na isang linggo lang ang kinaya.

"You should come home," sabi ko sa mga magulang ko. "Lolo misses you."

"We will," tugon ni Mom. "Maybe early next year." Tumingin siya sa kay Dad na kaagad na tumango.

"James would try to schedule a visit also," imporma ko sa kanila. James was my older brother. We were not very close growing up but we had been talking a lot the last couple of years. "I had lunch with him today and he gave me literature and research journals for Lolo."

I came from a long line of doctors on both sides. Ako lang sa pamilya ko ang hindi isang doktor pero masasabing nagtatrabaho pa rin naman sa isang health care facility. I went to medical school and did not make it. Being a doctor was not for me.