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Then
"MY DUMMY didn't die on me," nakangiti kong sabi kay Tana habang naglalakad kami patungo sa paborito niyang restaurant. Katatapos lang ng practicals namin. We were out to get some sandwiches and salad. Today was a good day.
Tumingin ako kay Tana nang hindi siya nagsalita. Natagpuan ko siyang nakatingin sa akin na parang bahagyang nababaghan. "What? My dummy didn't die. They always die on me during practicals." Magaan ang tinig ko at nagbibiro.
"It doesn't really bother you?" tanong niya sa akin. "The pictures?"
"Of Roarke kissed by some groupie?" Mas dumarami ang mga larawan ni Roarke kasama ang ilang babae sa Internet. Mas dumarami rin ang mga messages na ipinapadala sa akin. "Yeah, sure. It knocks the breath out of me everytime. It makes my heart stop beating for a sec or two. But he's mine, Tana. He will always be mine. He loves me and I don't have any doubt about that. This is just part of his world now. 'Comes with the territory. I'm fine."
Ilang sandali na pinagmasdan niya ako. "Are you sure?"
Tumango ako pero hindi ko masalubong ang tingin niya. I had no doubt that Roarke loved me, but I was not really as confident as I made it out to be. Of course I felt way worse. I hated seeing him with anyone else.
Pero gaya nga ng sinabi ko, this was his world now. This was part of it all. Roarke loved me and would always love me. He would always be mine. I just needed to frequently remind myself of those things. Kailangan ko lang kapitan at patuloy na paniwalaan.
We'd be fine.
Natatawa na napapailing si Tana. "Roarke is so lucky to have you. With all these photos of him with women... I don't think I would be sane if I were you. You've been harassed by fans and I don't know how you handle it."
"I don't. I just ignore them." Gusto kong sabihin na hindi ako apektado pero hindi rin ako gaanong nagsasabi nang totoo. Ugly words get to me. It was difficult at times not to let doubt and insecurity consume me.
It was easy to say I just needed to ignore everything, but sometimes I couldn't ignore.
"Other girlfriends would've left him."
"And let those bitches have a chance at him? No."
Natawa nang malakas si Tana. "That's my girl."
"Hey, Marianne!"
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang bigla na lang sumulpot mula sa kung saan si Joyce. She was not supposed to be there. Mamaya pa dapat kami magkikita.
"J-Joyce," bati ko, pilit kong pinakaswal ang tinig ko pero hindi ko gaanong napagtagumpayan.
"Delivery!" masayang tugon ni Joyce.
Naramdaman ko ang pagkawala ng kulay sa mukha ko. I couldn't believe she was doing this to me. Joyce was my dealer. Nang maubos ko ang pills na na-acquire ni Roarke para sa akin, tinawagan ko siya. She was the only person who came to mind who could assist me in finding someone who could get me the pills.
"I have what you asked for." Itinaas ni Joyce ang isang paperbag na may logo ng isang specialty lingerie shop. Binigyan niya ako ng ngiti na puno ng pang-uuyam. We were not exactly friends but she gave me what I needed. Hindi lingerie ang laman ng paperbag na iyon.

BINABASA MO ANG
The Way It Was - Abridged (Complete)
RomanceNang bisitahin ko ang asawa ng namayapa kong kaibigan, hindi ko inasahan na makikita ko uli si Roarke, ang lalaking labis na minahal ng bata kong puso. Ang sabihin na hindi ako handa sa salakay ng mga emosyon ay kulang. He was still beautiful and it...