The Way It Was - Abridged (Complete)

3

Now

NAGPASYA akong maglakad-lakad na muna. I needed air. I needed space. I needed the noise from the city that I loved and missed so much.

Seeing Roarke again was something I was not ready for. Leaving and not knowing if we would ever see each other again broke my heart. Maybe this was it. This was the last time. This was the goodbye. We'd never see each other again.

And I snuck out. I didn't properly say goodbye.

Because I didn't want it to be goodbye.

But did I ever have a choice? He was no longer mine. Kailangan ay hindi ko makalimutan ang bagay na iyon. He had not been mine for a long time now.

I needed to stop lo–

Biglang may humablot sa braso ko. Kaagad akong nagpumiglas. Hinampas ko ng bag ko ang sinuman.

"Fuck, Yani, it's me. Stop!"

Natigilan ako nang marinig ko ang pamilyar na tinig ni Roarke. Bahagya siyang hinihingal pero hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong braso. Parang sinisiguro niya na hindi ako makakaalis.

"Roarke. Why... You're not supposed to come after me." Hindi ako sigurado kung nagme-make sense ako sa kanya pero wala akong gaanong pakialam. Hindi siya dapat na lang lumilitaw. Kung kailan naman sinisimulan ko nang kumbinsihin ang sarili ko na nararapat lang na hindi na muling magkrus ang mga landas namin. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Give it back."

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko sa pagtataka. Hindi ko gaanong naintindihan ang sinabi niya. "Give what back?"

"The photo. Give it back."

Naningkit ang mga mata ko. Nasa mukha ni Roarke ang pinaghalong yamot at determinasyon.

"No," sabi ko. Sinubukan kong kumawala at lumayo pero hindi niya ako hinayaan. My heart was hammering hard against my chest. I could feel him. I could smell him. He was touching me. I wanted to take him in my arms and really feel every inch of him. "It's mine."

"Just as it is mine."

"You can't have it. You're not having it." Determinado rin ako. Hindi ko maintindihan ang interes niya sa picture na iyon. It was a tiny piece of our past. The past that should not be important to him now. "I get to keep it."

"Why?"

"Why?" Nasa tinig ko ang labis na pagkabaghan. "You have to ask me why? It should be very obvious."

"Give it back."

"No." There was no way he was getting that photo of us kissing. "Let me go, Roarke." Pilit akong nagpumiglas. Wala na siyang nagawa kundi ang pakawalan ako. Tumingin ako sa kanya. Ibinuka ko ang bibig ko at akmang may sasabihin pero walang tinig na namutawi. Sobra na akong nahihirapan sa pagbuo ng salita. I was so overwhelmed. I could not do this.

Tumalikod ako at nagsimulang lumakad palayo kahit na labis ang protesta ng kalooban ko. I did not want to leave him, but I had to. Bago ko talaga makalimutan ang lahat. I could not just really say goodbye. The words would not come out.

"Why do you have to have it?" tanong ni Roarke bago pa man talaga ako makalayo. "Why is it important that you keep it?"

Tumigil ako sa paghakbang. "Root beer float," sabi ko nang hindi siya nililingon. "I can't seem to remember the feeling of our first kiss. I remember when. I remember I initiated it. I can't remember if you really tasted like potato chips in the morning. But I can seem to remember the last time we kissed. We probably kissed thousands of times, but all I can remember is the taste of beer and cigarettes. Beer and cigarettes. And I probably tasted the same. When I saw the picture, I can finally remember. The sweetness, the warmth and the feeling. You tasted root beer float the first time we kissed."