Soundtrack to My Nightmares

im haunted by the ghost of my own past

i see ghosts
they smile at me
just listening quietly
never speaking
but there is this one
who follows me
everywhere i go
and sometimes
i feel her cold fingers
brushing against my cheek
sending shivers down my spine
and with a lump in my throat,
i see her.
her eyes are a vibrant blue
but sad, tired, and lifeless.
her smile is the most beautiful
but meaningless and melancholy.
her hair is matted
her clothes are worn
and the only thing she carries with her
is her weeping soul.
sometimes i wish i could whisper in her ear
or wrap my arms around her neck
tell her that i understand
and everything will be alright.
but she hates me and i hate her.
she ruined my life
and murdered me
drenched in cold blood.
how extraordinary is it
to have not killed myself
but for myself to have killed me.
maybe i am just sick.
maybe my personality is the virus
infiltrating my system;
maybe my own brain
is the disease.
because the dead girl i keep seeing
who turns my dreams to nightmares
who stalks me in broad daylight
who shakes her head at me
and cries
the dead girl i keep seeing
the ghost lurking at every corner
is me when i was 13.
she was so beautiful before she died
a shining star
she had no hate in her heart
not even a bit
but so much anger
had built up inside
just waiting to explode
and ruin her.