Soundtrack to My Nightmares

the girl i wish i loved

this girl i know
bright eyes
and a bright soul
she takes weary steps
wherever she goes
and she doesn't know
that she is the world.

this girl i know
she was sitting at a park
legs curled up to her chest
tears falling like the rain that day
her heart was broken in pieces
and she couldn't breathe
she left the house
without telling a soul
and when she finally came home
no one had noticed.

this girl i know
was awake in the early morning
and had not slept
her mind was racing
her thoughts were alive
as her hand raced
against the pages of a journal
her window to the other side
her escape from this house.

this girl i know
was screaming with all her might
her lungs were sore
her head pounded
her legs were shaking underneath her
her voice was shrill
because she tried to tell them
she was unhappy
and all those years
had torn her apart.

this girl i know
laid her head on the back of the tub
the water was almost overflowing
she closed her eyes
and let her head sink
wishing that she could drown
because that morning
her cries were drowned out
by the one who called her a bitch
by the one who called her mother unfit
she rose to the surface
and gasped for air
but it almost hurt.

this girl i know
held up her head
as she faced her biggest fear
they were all staring at her
with pitiful eyes
her voice cracked lightly
she forgot the words
but i still love to hear her sing.

this girl i know
is strong.
she was strong from the beginning
she didn't need any more lessons to be taught
she didn't want to fight any longer
but still, she did.
because she is a warrior
her own knight in shining armor
she is a menace to her captors
and that is an accomplishment on its own.

this girl i know
hates herself more than anyone in the world.
why you ask?
because of how she is perceived
because of how she reacts
because of her impulsivity
she doesn't hate herself
she hates her flaws
but she doesn't realize that yet
so she hates herself.

this girl i know
has a heart the size of jupiter
and no one else knows it
because she cries alone.

i wish i loved that girl
because that girl is me.