Soundtrack to My Nightmares

7 wonders of hell on earth

sometimes i wonder
if there's a hole in my brain,
where all of the important things
i never remember
seem to reside.
it's like living many lives at once
being different people
all in the same fragile body.
how on earth am i to know
which one is the real me?
depending on the day,
i can be whoever you'd like me to be.

i can be nice
pretty
and clean
fun loving and non-confrontational:
how the older folks think i should be.
i can be mean
ugly
and dirty
scared and defensive:
how i appear on my worst days.

but what about the other 7 versions?
7 other me's
who fight tooth and nail
to come up to the surface,
drowning in pools of sorrow and uncertainty
an ocean filled of regret.

so much love is there
bouncing off of the walls,
desperately trying to escape
with no place to go.

should i be damned
to bottle it all up inside?
building pressure
that's bound to explode.
do i deserve to carry this chain,
this trail of burdens behind me?