Soundtrack to My Nightmares

why can't i be an alien?

i've heard of a place
where we could be free
from pain
but also from love
i don't believe it is true
but i wish i could go there
because in this life
there is no beginning or end
there is no minute, hour, or day
there is no pain
there is no love
i don't know why we are here
if maybe it is all a test
we are to experience the physical world
or maybe our consciousness was a fluke
we are simply organisms in the working world of science
pieces to a big puzzle
we will die and be born again from the dust of our ashes
with a new consciousness
a new face
long forgotten after generations
there is no meaning to our lives
so why suffer?
no one will remember the girl
who failed her college english class
who worked so hard to get her first apartment
i have no money
no motivation
i will never be happy in this world
so what am i to do?
i cannot leave
where am i to go?
i cannot stay either.
i will suffer until the day i die.
i wish to have never existed
i wish for peace
all of my humanly desires
make me weak
and when does it end?
we all die
we are all born again
to a different body
how do we escape
this vicious cycle
there must be others like us
and what is space?
a big open mystery
the reason for all of my doubt
and all of my curiosity
a million galaxies
and one big universe
a billion possibilities
and we are so ignorant
to it's secrets
and what about dimensions?
are they real?
am i sitting somewhere else right now?
having a different conversation
with different people by my side
a different mindset
maybe i can fly
and i just do not know
may the universe strike me down
and put me out of my misery
so i do not have to bear this ignorance
my feeble mind cannot comprehend
the utter existence of myself and humanity
we all just survive somehow
finding things to distract us
from finding the truth
i must know
i must find the truth
i will.
if there is a god
i will meet them.
if there is a universe
i will see it.
if there are dimensions
i will travel them.
there are colors i cannot see
sounds i cannot hear
things i will never touch
people i will never meet
places i will never go to

my mind isn't here.