Soundtrack to My Nightmares

kamikaze

there is only one way
to ease the pain in your mind
for me i would say just drink a little
but you probably shouldn't listen to that
because i have problems
but there is a fool-proof way
that i refuse to use
because it forces me
to truly open up
but in order to forget
the troubles you once faced
you must look them dead in the eye
i can't do this
because i have no eyes
obviously
i wish i could be like cheese
he doesn't care
about anything
except his next meal
and how comfy he is
wherever he's laying.
i care
i care about everything
i care about the way the blinds are facing
i care if the bathroom fan is on
i care if the blanket isn't covering my toes
so yes
literally everything
i wish i could record my dreams
i would show them to Gina
and find out what they mean
i would rewatch them
and cry
i wish i could record my thoughts, too
then you would know what i mean
and i wouldn't have to go
through so much trouble
trying to find a way
to accurately describe them
because i have a disorder
and my brain is very disordered
i wish i had a time machine
maybe i could change the way things are
my mom would've grown up normal
my dad would've had his own dad
i wouldn't have
two fucked up parents
who gave me away
when i was young.
my brother would never have gained weight
my sister would've never tried drugs
and i would've never existed
except for as an enigma
just a faint memory
a forgotten smile
never thought of
ever again.