"Happy new year my lovely boy '' Anne, my mum says raising her drink to me whilst we're sitting around the garden fire pit in our festive pjs and wrapped in blankets watching explosion after explosion of fireworks go off throughout there little town of Holmes Chapel. "Happy new year mum" I smile back at her as we clink our glasses together.
It was just the two of us, my sister, Gemma had headed back to Manchester a few days after Christmas for new years celebrations with her boyfriend and work mates, I didn't mind it one bit though, I was bringing in the new year with my favourite person on the planet. My mum had encouraged me so many times to go out with friends tonight " Go and be 21 Harry, get drunk and kiss a stranger, it's new year" she told me but there was no place I would rather be right now than with her, because in a few days I was packing up my little car and heading off to London to chase my dreams of selling my music.
My mum and stepdad had laughed so much the day I picked a Ford Ka when we all went car shopping after I passed my driving test a few years ago, they always said I looked like the jolly green giant crammed in that little car given i was around 6ft tall. I didn't want them paying for it so I made sure I picked a small, reliable and low in cost car so I knew I could cover the payments myself with my wages from the bakery.
Also, I wasn't in any kind of mood to see Nick either, he would expect more than a kiss at midnight and nope I ain't going there again. Don't get me wrong, Nick's not a bad guy, I've known him since high school, he's just a little clingy and I know I brought that shit on myself by getting drunk one night, I felt lonely so I gave in and went home with him. It was never anything more than a drunken mistake but since then every chance Nick gets he's all over me trying to win me over.
This was going to be a big year for me, the year I stop being afraid of singing publicly, I've only ever sung to my family and in the shower, but everyone does that right?! My mum and stepdad have always been so encouraging of me pursuing my talent, they knew i was good and very creative with poems/songs and playing the guitar, but if only I could believe in myself the way they do.
I can still remember the day i went to mum, I was about 9 years old and asked to start guitar lessons, I think we both figured it would help with my shyness and stage fright, sadly though i just didn't have the courage to play in front of anyone but my parents,sister and my guitar teacher Ed. Fast forward 12 years and here i am 21 yrs old, scared shitless but ready to push myself to fulfil my dream and Robin's last wish for me. My stepfather Robin had sadly passed away a little over a year ago and i promised him that i would get myself out of this small town and let the world hear my amazing gift; I really wanted to make Robin proud and make that last wish of Robins come true. I'm going to stop fearing that people may judge me and my talent, that happens in any career I tell myself. I'm just exhausted having all these what ifs and excuses for not doing this constantly buzzing around my head. I can do this, I've got to do this for me and my life. Honestly, as much as I love living here and being close to mum, I want more from life, losing Robin has made me realise life is short and I want more than what this small town can give me.
Here's the thing I don't really care about being famous and the money that comes along with being a successful songwriter, I just want people to hear my lyrics and connect with them, feel them deep down in their heart and soul, that to me is the kind of success I want.
As we head off to bed that night I look around my childhood bedroom and seeing the bags and boxes of stuff I sorted to take to London, I can feel the pangs of anxiety and panic start to grow in the pit of my stomach, I've never done anything like this before but I know I has to at least try. I'm going to use all the strength and courage I saw in my step dad and mum as they both fought to keep each other strong even when they knew how it was going to end. I push those awful feelings down and climb into bed, I hope to dream of a new life of success, adventure and dare I say it.....love. I'm an old romantic always have been so to meet my one and only, to have that all consuming forever love would be the cherry on top of my dream life.
2 days later, my car is all packed up and my mum and I are standing in the driveway, hugging so hard, i'm going to miss her so much and if I'm honest i'm worried about leaving her alone, but she's reassured me hundreds of times since I decided on my move back in October. "This is your time to grow and be free love, I'm going to be absolutely fine" she tells me hugging me one last time. "Remember I'm only a few hrs drive away, if you need me don't hesitate to call mum,okay? I love you" I say as I drop a kiss to her cheek and climb in the car. My mum has a little giggle seeing my giant limbs practically folded into the driver's seat. I'm glad I've managed to put a smile on her face before I left.
I pull out of the drive and make my way through the small town taking everything in, all the memories I have of growing up here, my primary school, the local pub and music shop and the bakery, oh how I loved my job in the bakery, I had worked there since I was 15 and saved every penny I could knowing one day I would be going on some sort of adventure. I have a mix of feelings right now, sadness, excitement and hope. "I can do this, I can do this" I chant to myself as I get my nerves and anxiety in check and my mind on the road and onto a bigger brighter future...I hope!
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Making It!
FanfictionHarry wants to be a songwriter, he's been told he's good but his only problem is he can't sing or play in public. He made a promise to his step father that he would try and make it and he's determined to keep that promise and fulfil it now he's gone...
