Making It!

Chapter 5

When I'm not at the bar I'm at home with my nose in my journal words, feelings and melodies filling page after page. Being here has boosted my mood, my inspiration and motivation. I place my guitar on the bed next to me and lay back. "Robin, I hope you can see me, I'm going to do this, I'm doing it for us" I say, looking out my window and up to the sky.

I'm broken from my thoughts of Robin and wishes and music and dreams by my phone.

It's Ben. I've hardly seen him lately, he is always busy working.

B- Cuz, are you working karaoke at Shamrocks this week? x

H- Yeah, I'm in. We all are working actually, Niall tells me it's one of our busiest weekends. You sing? x

B- I may dabble from time to time lol. It's my 1st weekend off in ages, so i'm in the mood for a few pints x

I'm surprised to hear this about Ben, how do I not know this?

H- looking forward to hearing what you can do mate. X

B- Maybe we can duet, your pick....i'll even be the girl? Haha x

The fear and panic are already brewing just at the thought of it. I push down the lump forming in my throat and text back.

H- I don't think so cuz, you know me :-( x

B- I do know you and I know you promised to try, so just have a think about it. No pressure, it's just a bit of fun. x

I take a few deep breaths and reread Ben's last message. It's true, I'm here to try and make it, be successful and I need to be able to sing for people, for them to hear my own work.

H- okay, i'll think about it x

I'm meeting Louis for a coffee before my shift at the bar and I'm looking forward to seeing him but I can't seem to shake off the lingering pangs of panic from my earlier convo with Ben.

Just as I'm heading out the door I give myself a shake, trying to physically remove those thoughts and feelings.

Louis is sitting at a table as I arrive, looking at his phone with a huge smile across his face.

"What's that smile on your face?" I say as I walk past him and squeeze his shoulder lightly. He looks up at me still beaming, "My sisters" he says turning his phone and showing me a picture of 4 beautiful girls, making silly faces to the camera.

He leans in closer over the table and starts pointing to each girl. "This is Lottie and Fizzy, and this pair is Phoebe and Daisy." I smile at the picture and then at him. It's an adorable picture and I can see by the way he's looking at them how much he cares for his siblings. "All so cute Lou. do you see them much?" I see alittle sadness appear in his eyes. "Not as much as I would like, but you know it is what it is" He's silent for a minute just looking at the picture, then he locks his phone and places it on the table. Our eyes lock, he's out his seat and leaning across the table, he drops a quick kiss on my lips, "coffee?" i steal another quick kiss "Latte please" We split a muffin and share a few more kisses before we part ways and I head to work.

Ben knocks on my bedroom door, strolls in and throws himself on my bed."Comfy?" I laugh as he folds his arms behind his head. "Just checking in cuz, you feeling okay about tonight? Don't feel pressured to sing." I pull on my shirt and turn to face him starting on the buttons, "I'm fine Ben, honestly. Niall knows the score and you too, so I think it'll be fine." I offer a smile of reassurance but I don't think he's believing me. "Just know, I'm here, okay?" he says."I know and I appreciate that. Now fuck off so I can finish getting ready" he's laughing as he gets up off the bed, "Dont worry about how you look, I bet Louis thinks you look pretty in anything" he shouts over his shoulder with a smirk on his face. I wish i had something close to hand to throw at him, he ducks out the room with a fading cackle down the hall.