Making It!

Chapter 19

Louis POV- receiving Harry's letter

I know I've been moping about all week, Niall has not been shy in telling me that daily, but honestly I couldn't give a fuck, I'm upset and embarrassed. I've been an absolute shit to everyone, I can see the lads walking on eggshells when we were on shift together. I need to shake myself out of this mood before my best friends disown me.

When I got back from my disastrous visit to Harry, I was fuming and hurt. But now I have calmed down, I kind of regret the way I left things. I know I should have given Harry the chance to explain things, but in that moment when I saw that Nick guy touch him, I felt like my heart had been ripped out, I was far too worked up to think rationally. I didn't know this is how it would feel to walk away from him?

Harry has been reaching out and I'm such a stubborn prick that I've been ignoring him, I don't know what to say really? I'm just so confused, Harry told me he's in love with me but then there's Nick. I know he said that there was nothing between them and he seemed sincere and so hurt when I questioned him, but I just can't get the image of seeing them together out of my head.

I'm under no illusion that I will have to talk to him at some point, but I'm just not ready to deal with those emotions yet, my hearts in pieces and I need sometime to sort out my head.

I'm laid flat on my stomach, face buried into my pillow half asleep when I hear something, my head pops up like a meerkat as I listen, oh, it's the door, someone is knocking.

I tumble out of bed and head towards the door "hold on" I mumble rubbing my eyes to wake myself up abit. I pull the door open and I'm frozen in place, it's fucking Harry! How can he be even more beautiful than I remember and it's only been a few days, I can't drag my eyes away from him.

Harry breaks the silence, "Lou, can I come in please?" I can't get my mouth to form words, I wasn't expecting to see him on my doorstep. I step aside and let him in. I don't move away from the entrance hall, I can't seem to make my body move, I'm just so shocked. I hear him whisper " I've missed you" My heart literally back flips in my chest. God, I've missed him so fucking much, I know I'm staring, I don't know what else to do. He continues talking when I don't say anything, "Mum's on the mend and hopefully getting out of hospital over the next few days" That's a relief, I'm happy for him "I'm glad she's okay H" I say quietly and his beautiful green eyes light up. His nickname accidentally tumbled out of my mouth, i couldn't help it, I've missed using it.

"Louis, I need you to believe me when I say, I love you. You're all I want and need" I watch as he cautiously steps alittle closer then gently raises a hand and delicately strokes my cheek, I instinctively lean into his touch. I've missed him this close to me, touching me the only way Harry can, he's gentle, sensual and loving.

I can't control how quick my breathing has picked up with Harry's chest now touching mine. It's too much, I'm feeling so much right now "Harry, please don't?" I quietly stutter out. Harry's forehead softly drops against mine, our lips are just inches apart, I'm thinking about the last time I kissed them when in a hushed voice Harry says "Louis, what can I do to make you believe me?" The thing is I don't know what he can do, if I'm honest I think I'm terrified of giving whole self completely to Harry and getting even more hurt than I am feeling now. "Harry, you have to see this situation from my side. What I walked in on at the hospital seemed pretty intimate" I need some space, so I step out of his reach. I can't think clearly with him this close to me, filling up all my senses. I see the sadness immediately appear in his eyes as I move away. "Not on my part it wasn't, trust me" he whispers. God I so want to believe him because loving him is the only thing I want to do.

I need some time to process what he's saying and how we are both feeling "Please just go" I say as firmly as I can over the lump in my throat, I want to cry. Before Harry can say anymore and my emotions tip over the edge I hurry away to my bedroom and swing the door shut. I just need time to think.

I throw myself back onto my bed tummy first and cover my head with a pillow, i'm getting a bloody stress headache. I lay there for a few seconds before turning over and staring at the ceiling. The only thing making sense to me right now is I love him and I genuinely believe he loves me too. The rest we can figure out right?

I roll my head to the side and a white envelope on the floor catches my eye. I leap off the bed, scoop it up and rip it open.

My dearest Lou,

I know I'm not so good with speaking but with writing I'am, so please hear me out.

I want to start with clearly up the Nick thing, there's never ever been anything going on with him, he's tried it on with me a number of times but I'm not interested. I made a mistake once, that's it, I promise you. Just so you know I've cut all ties with him.

So......

You're it for me, It's you and it will always be you. I hope you can believe me when I say that.

You came into my life when it was dark with fear and grief and your beautiful inner light shone on me and helped me find my path. The encouragement and confidence you have given me makes it all seem possible.

I never thought I would find someone like you to share my life with and now I've had just a small taste of that heaven I don't ever want to be without it.

When we are together all I see is us, it feels like there's not another soul on this planet.

I've fallen deeper and harder for you with ever single second we have spent together.

I don't want to function in this life without your kisses, your laugh, your gorgeous smile, well your everything.

I'm yours until the stars fall from the sky, until the rivers and seas all run dry, in other words until the day I die. Even after that I reckon.

All i'm trying to say is YOU complete me Louis Tomlinson.

My 1st love, my true love, my happy ever after.

I love you

H x

Holy shit, Harry has just spilled his whole heart out to me. I drop down onto the end of the bed, my legs too shaky to stand anymore.

Harry really wants me in every single way I want him. I want forever, I want my happy ever after to be him too.

I bolt out of the bedroom, I need to see if he's still here, I want to tell him I want all of this with him.

I move quickly through the flat, it's quiet and oh so lonely now. I fly down the stairs and burst on the main street, my head rapidly going from left to right eyeing the road, looking for his car. "FUCK" I scream out. I've just missed him.

I press Harry's love letter tightly to my chest and let my tears fall, I'm a fucking idiot!