LET ME WALK YOU TO JANNAH

Chapter 1

Ameera

Growing up I was always told that in marriage you will find comfort.
No one told me that it will be hell with invisible fire burning your skin.
I was told that with beauty and Faith you will get the best husband.
No one told me that no matter how pious and pretty you are it's destiny's game.

I lay in bed failing to stop my own tears let alone the baby laying next to me. How am I suppose to look after my baby in this condition. My head is hurting maybe because it has not seen oil for a month.

I carry my baby boy in my arms. My first child. I put an empty milk bottle in his mouth just to keep him quiet. I have no milk, my breast has no milk for I didn't eat since last night.

Patience my soul.
Patience my baby
Our Lord has not forsaken us
He will send milk from heaven
He will let's drink from the river of Kawthar

I comfort my child. Maybe am comforting myself more. I rub my tears putting my child to sleep. I rush to the washroom to do wudhu and find my peace within sujud(prostration). I pray for solution. I pray for a better life.

Ya Rabb
On this night
With the sky pouring
Am in need of your mercy
Heal my heart
Let me witness the sweetness of marriage
Bless my child
Ya Razak
Feed us

I draw the curtain. Its heavily pouring outside. I sat on my bed and start reciting Quran. I find my comfort from His words. A new hope ignites inside me. It lightens up my heart.

I contemplate on my life. Before this, before marriage, the old me.

I would not say my life was perfect but it was better than this hell.
At a young age I grew up working.
I was my mom's first child. My mom was deaf and mentally challenged completely unaware of this world. As a young girl I had to sustain us; my mom, me and my small sister. I grew up selling sweets and deserts on the streets.

Many men come to ask for my hand but I rejected them all. I was young then, I was only 14. Many told me that they will let me live a perfect life, they promised to treat me like a queen.
After rejecting them all, at the age of 16 people convinced me to marry him. They told me that me and my mom needed a better life. They said that I deserved life and needed someone to financially support us.

I accepted him. I accepted him as my better half. I accepted him as my companion. I accepted him as my husband.

But I guess he never accepted me as his.
He just wanted to have me as a wife. Not as his wife. He doesn't find me enough. Maybe he's never satisfied.
Every now and then he has a new girlfriend.

He didn't come home for a week now and me and my baby are close to starving.

I hear a knock on the door. It can be him. He finally realized he has a family.
I walk to the door with my heart hammering against my chest and feeling the sweetness of hope bursting from my soul into my mouth. I smile.
A genuine smile.

I unlock the door. There my heart breaks into more pieces that it can ever break into.

A lady is standing before me. She smiles at me and under her jilbab she's carrying something.

"It's the woman next door from your left. I thought I should bring you super.
Give this milk to your son." I fight harder than ever to stop the tears from its destination. My vision is getting blurry for It hits me that this moment is nothing but a miracle from my Lord.
I can't hold it anymore and I freely let go of my tears.

The woman hugs me. And at that moment I miss my mom. I miss her hug. She may never understand me. She maybe deaf but am sure she will here the cries of my soul. Am sure she will feel how am cracking from inside.

"It's going to be fine my daughter. Sabr(patience) after every hardship comes ease." She comforts me.

I cower from my mind as it's letting go of the strings of hope.

This was suppose to be my ease
But dear am far from peace
Do I blame myself
Or bury me in my shelf
Never standing in the face of earth
Being loved am I not of worth

"Allah doesn't burden a soul beyond it can bear. Maybe this hardships are your path to jannah. If you need anything am Fatima just next door my child. " She wipes tears from her eyes and walks away.

I lock the door and prostrate to the one and only.

My child could have starve to death.
I then come to the realization that death cannot feed on a soul without His permission.

I feed my child and feed myself too.

I stand on the window gazing at the moon.
The beauty of the world is blinding.
'Never standing at the face of earth' It again crosses my mind.
'Am a human of worth' I answer to myself.

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Assalam Aleykum
Am excited to write this book hope it will excite you as you read.

Will appreciate your opinion.
If you find typos or errors alert me so I can correct them.

Perfect is only Allah so don't expect perfection from my work.

      With love SBI