LET ME WALK YOU TO JANNAH

Chapter 23

As soon as we landed in the city, a cab drove us into our hotel. Sitting  at the back beside Shahzad, I watched the city glowing with the street light. I watched people bounce happily on their legs as they went about their daily work. A sense of peace settled in my heart as the promising breeze caressed my face, swam into my nostrils and filled my lungs with hope.

I gazed through my window at an old couple who were clinging into each other's hand for support filling me with hope for the future. The journey from the airport to the hotel was quite long hence after an hour, I felt drowsy and sleep was commanding my eyes to close. I felt Shahzad squeeze my hand gently and I pushed open my eyes, gazing at him through my eyelashes.

"You are tired," he smiled beautifully.
"You can place your head on my shoulder and rest until we reach. We have another hour to go." I shook my head rejecting the offer aware of the driver who was sneak peeking at us while fighting his smile. I rested my head on the glass window and closed my eyes battling with the embarrassment that was evidently creeping up my cheeks.

I sauntered in the room stifling a yawn. I pressed my face against the cool pillow and closed my eyes without bothering to remove my headscarf. I was yanked off the pillow only to be drawn into a honey like brown eyes.

"You will feel lazy later so get showered and pray Isha. Then you can take a nap while I look for a decent meal for us." I wanted to protest but I knew better that praying Isha early was easier than procrastinating.

Now in my comfy pajamas and the responsibility of Isha prayer off my shoulder, I closed my eyes welcoming the relief that came with sleep.

I felt someone peck my forehead, then my cheeks, my nose. I felt a thumb brush over my lips. I wanted to open my eyes but I held it shut watching only the darkness behind my lids as my heart scribbled a song.

I felt him comb my hair with his fingers then followed another kiss on my earlobe.  I was pulled off the soft pillow and into a rough, rigid place.  I yanked open my eyes aware that my head was laying in Shahzad's lap.

"You are beautiful." He remarked as if he was giving a casual comment about the calendar. I sat up quickly, praying for my heart to not leap out.

I rubbed my eyes as Shahzad placed a tray of food on the bed. He walked into the kitchen to bring a bowl of water so I could wash my hand in it.

"Do you like this city?" He asked muching on the food. I knew this was his attempt at striking a conversation.
Shahzad was always fighting and struggling to make me open up to him, to confide in him like a friend would. I was a terrible fail, perhaps a bad wife. I had a hard time speaking from my heart and pouring down my thoughts. I felt guilty and pitty for Shahzad, with his sweet and kind nature, he deserved someone better.
Now that we were already married, I promised myself that I would try to become better for him and try to give him my collected self and not only the broken pieces of me.

                     ***
With the sun dipping behind the hill in attempt to let darkness slide in, I placed my feet into the water allowing the waves to crush against my ankle. I watched Shahzad fumbling with a camera that dangled from his neck as he struggled to catch the sunset, the beach and me in his camera. He said he wanted to remember this moment and get a perfect picture of it. 

He walked up to me and sat beside me burying the camera in his lap.
"Did you get your perfect picture?" I asked in my attempt to become a little talkative and not always make Shahzad initiate the talking. I have been trying my best the past two weeks since we landed in this city. I have asked Shahzad what his favorite drink was, made him dark coffee the following day after the revelation.
I even suggested to him what to wear for our little outing when he asked for my help instead of just shrugging.

I was trying to put an effort to be better for him the past two weeks but I wasn't sure if I was putting on an effort because talking to him become naturally easy. I was just speaking to him no longer searching for words in the book of my mind.

"What is something that you really want?" I asked him suddenly out of curiosity. I thought Shahzad had everything; a perfect job, a mother, his deen and many others. He was a definition of balancing deen and dunya.

"At the moment, I just want to kiss you. Your lips against mine, with the sunset, the water, the breeze watching." He said making me feel dizzy. I looked at him and his lustful eyes were shamelessly gawking at my lips. "Can you fulfill a man's dream?" He said jokingly but his eyes held no mirth. The depth in his eyes pulled me to ponder over his request.

"Can I...I mean.." before he could finish, I nodded and smiled.

Shahzad's rough hand grabbed my neck, he pushed my face closer to his and stared into my eyes seeking for permission and once again I nodded.

He closed the distance between our lips and my heart yelped in joy maybe celebrating the home that it has found.