LET ME WALK YOU TO JANNAH

Chapter 19

28th of December was here. This was the day that I had waited for, yet dreaded so much. I was dressed in black abaya and made an effort to look my best even though I didn't opt for any makeup. I applied eyeliner, lip balm and a little bit of moisturizer. I sprayed myself a tiny bit of the perfume that I had recently bought.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I knew I looked not-so-bad. Most of my scars have faded but the one near my left eye sat there black and staring back at me. It was a reminder of the pain I had endured and all the beating and the violence I had succumbed to.

Fareeha arrived as she was to drive us (me, Lateefa, Rabiha and the women leader of this organization where we resided) to the mosque.

"Ameera, you look very beautiful mashallah. My brother is going to have a hard time to lower his gaze in the mosque." Fareeha complimented me while Lateefa and the rest broke into laughters.  She put the keys into ignition and started driving while my hand felt cold and wet from the sweat.

If I said I was not nervous today, I will win the championship for being a bad liar. I was visibly nervous as I bounced my leg and kept rubbing my hands together. Occasionally I would sigh and take a deep breath.

"Stop freaking out." Fareeha almost shouted glaring at me from the rearview mirror.

"Am not freaking out." I denied making Fareeha shake her head in amusement as she parked the car.

My stomach started doing summersault once Fareeha killed the ignition. Everyone hopped out of the car leaving me inside. I sat there trying to bring my stubborn heart into a normal pace.

"I hope you don't have it in your mind to sit here till tomorrow and keep my brother standing. I will not let you do that to him not because he is my brother but it is inhuman." Fareeha blubbered enjoying every bit of my emotional havoc. She placed her hands on her hip threatening me to get off the car.

"I can call my brother to carry you bridal style into the mosque, am sure he will enjoy every bit of it." Fareeha teased smiling goofily as she pulled out her phone. I thought she was joking but I must have been wrong.

"Hello Shahzad. Your future wife is requesting you to carry her in your arms..." I cutted short Fareeha's words as I sat myself on my wheelchair.

"Stop being rediculous." I spat out giving a deadly glare to Fareeha.

"Okay, I was joking bye big bro before am tackled to the ground by your wife." She declined the call and I thought of correcting her that I was not yet his wife.

Wife. I was freaking out again! Few hours from now and my life will completely change. I gulped the fresh air as if I was told it was your last time to breath. I was not asthmatic but I thought I could have an asma attack in the mosque.

I read duas (supplications) under my breath as I sauntered in the mosque.

I thought my heart would take a normal pace after exerting itself from the frantic beating but I was wrong once again. It was as if I had secreted too much of adrenaline because my heart was now playing drums.

In the mosque Shahzad was already there sitting but he stood up once I caught his attention. His nervous yet beautiful smile did not do any justice to my effort of trying to slow my heart beat.

He looked neat and clean. His beard was trimmed into a perfect shape showcasing his sharp jawline. He wore a white thobe and a black turban. I knew Shahzad was handsome but I didn't know he could go ten times better with his clothes.
I liked his choice of dressing today but then I only paid attention to his dress today.

After exchanging greetings with Shahzad female family, we hopped into our main purpose of arrival.
The Kadhi started the Nikkah.
He recited verses of the Quran then read out some hadiths.

I sat there as the Kadhi went on with the Nikkah.

"Do you accept Shahzad min Faizal as your husband?" My heart thudded and I managed to whisper a "yes". I heard Shahzad take an audible sigh as if he had fears that I will change my mind.

After signing the  marriage contract we were nominated as husband and wife. The Kadhi prayed for us and the ceremony was done!

Shahzad moved to reach out for me. He lowered himself on his knees so that he was an eye level with me. He raised his hands and placed it on my head as he closed his eyes and read out:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ خَيْرَهَا ، وَخَيْرَ مَا جَبَلْتَهَا عَلَيْهِ ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّهَا ، وَشَرِّ مَا جَبَلْتَهَا عَلَيْهِ
allaahumma innee as'aluka khayrahaa, wa khayra maa jabaltahaa 'alayh, wa a'oodhu bika min sharrihaa, wa sharri maa jabaltahaa 'alayh
"O Allah, I ask You for the goodness within her and the goodness that you have made her inclined towards, and I seek refuge with You from the evil within her and the evil that you have made her inclined towards."

When Shahzad opened his eyes, they were shining with tears and he slipped on a beautiful smile.

He opened his arms and engulfed me in a hug. "Hi my beautiful wife." He whispered so lowly that it was almost impossible to hear. Butterflies erupted in my stomach and I shyly hugged him back, placing my hand on his muscular back.

I could smell his sweet cologne that was wafting in my nostrils. I couldn't help the hapiness that glided into my heart promising me a beautiful journey ahead of me.

Shahzad broke the hug and stared into my eyes like he was seeing the beautiful northern light for the first time and it's not like I had seen it myself but that's how I could only explain the admiration his eyes held for me.

For me. I was feeling all giddy and all this was new to me despite this being my second marriage. Air got trapped in my lungs when Shahzad pecked me on the forehead, his lips slightly brushing my skin and lingering there for a few second until someone cleared their throat.

"Someone is too excited to care about public display of affection." Fareeha smiled making me turn red from embarrassment but Shahzad seemed unaffected still wearing his smile as he stood up.

"Welcome to the family sister in law," Fareeha whispered in my ears hugging me. "You got my brother totally whipped. Am sure he can't wait  to be in your company." She murmered making all this a lot more embarrassing for me. Am sure now I looked as red as a rose.

Shahzad's mother came forward and shook my hand giving me a tight lipped smile.

Her gaze made something stir in me and fear gnawed inside me. Was it hatred that sat in her eyes or was I imagining?