LET ME WALK YOU TO JANNAH

Chapter 7

There's visitor. That's what they tell me.
I anxiously wait for who came to pay me a visit. I have no one in this city so I can't guess. The glass door is pushed and I watch Fatima slipping through it.

She sits besides me and places her hand on my forehead. Her eyes are glistening with tears when she looks at me. "You are an angel," She whispers to me. "You managed to put up fight with everything going wrong in your life still managing to not let your faith wither." Am just listening to her not knowing what to respond.

She clutches my hand and continues to talk, "Amar was never on his mind. They say he was born with some mental illness called schizophrenia. It makes him to become violent. In his mind he wanted to stop you from killing him. That's what his mind told him, some kind of hallucination. He's arrested but still under medical care." I listen intentively staring at my hands like they are the most interesting things I ever came across.

She kept on talking until the nurse told her that her time was up. She collected herself and left.

           ****
I watch Amar with knife in his hands walking closer to me. I know he wants to kill me. He is laughing and staring down at me. He places the knife on my throat and I fight him but he's not giving up. He cuts open my throat and am shouting, screaming for help.

I feel someone's grip on my hands. Someone is holding me down to bed.
My eyes meet with brown ones. He's impossibly closer than he should be. He's staring deep into my eyes setting my insides ablaze.

"How often do you get nightmares." The doctor asks me still pining my hands on the bed. I slightly push at his chest trying to keep as much distance between us as I can. He notices my uneasiness moves a little away from my bed. He pulls a stool closer to sit on.

"Everytime I sleep...It's the same scene..I see him killing me all the time." I blink back the tears threatening to spill. It has been a week since I started getting the nightmare.

"It's post traumatic stress disorder. You are likely to have nightmares but I will put you on some medication. We pray you will get better. Did the nurse let you know that you are getting discharged tomorrow?" He asks making my heart skip a beat. I wonder how I will meet the hospital bills.
"Fatima cleared the hospital bills." The doctor tells me as if he read my mind. I feel a little bit relaxed.

Later when the nurse comes she agrees to help me secure a place in supportive housing.

     ****
I gulp as the nurse push my wheelchair propelling me forward. I can't stop my thoughts. Never in my life did I ever thought I would lose my legs.

This world is unpredictable
This world is nothing but day and night
Your faith dear soul hold it tight
This world is never meant for me
The greater reward is awaiting me

As am exiting the main gate my eyes caught someone staring at me. I crane my neck to look and there I see the doctor watching me with his eyes filled with something I can't name. Is it pity? Am not sure.

The outside world feels different from the hospital. The air is alittle more fresh making me greedily gulp it in until my lungs are almost exploding.

I take in the new surrounding. This is the place am suppose to be calling home from today. My eyes fill with tears as I take in this environment. Infront of my eyes are old people, youth who are physically challenged. I can't believe that I belong with them now.

"Are you fine?" Jessica; the nurse asks me and I nod. I have to accept this. I have to accept me.

It's time for Jessica to leave. She's in tears and all she tells me is that I will get fine even when she knows that its permanent. I have to live with this disability.

"I have something for you," Jessica rubs her tears and reaches into her bag to retrieve something. Am more than confused when she places an islamic book in my hands. The title reads "Don't distress Allah Loves you". Am shaking shuddering and splintering into teardrops. "Shahzad, I mean the doctor wanted you to have this. You know he is a softie at heart. I always tell him that his career doesn't suits him. He always stresses over his patients." I smile despite everything because the thought of good people still existing in this horrible world brings a feeling of contentment in my heart.

Jessica leaves with a promise of visiting me when she finds time. They caretaker shows me around, she shows me where I will be sleeping and how many people I will be sharing room with. After touring around the place I decided to relax under the shade of a big oak tree.

I flip the first page of the book.

I hope this book helps you. My hands can't heal so I will keep you in my prayers for maybe the Healer of all pains might hear my sincere prayer.
                   Your Doc. Shahzad.

I flip the next page with teary eyes. I can't believe the doctor went to the extra mile to get me a book even after doing his duties well.

Bismillahi Rahman Raheem.
I skim through the introductions.

The brave heart is the one that stays close to Allah even when it's in pain.

I realized the book is filled with beautiful quotes, hadith and short Islamic motivational stories. Am reading through some quotes when someone in a wheelchair sauntered around me. I close my book and exchange greetings with the aged woman infront of me.

"Gaining knowledge?" She smiles eyeing my book.

"I guess." I reply returning her smile.

"It will get better you know. Your first time here might feel like hell but you will adjust. Better than the outside world here lies no criticism." Her eyes are reassuring and her words are comforting. I force myself to believe her.