LET ME WALK YOU TO JANNAH

Chapter 15

"Am glad that you did." Lateefa was wearing a smile on her face but I was fazed and fighting the doubt and fears that my second marriage could bring.

What if it ends as disastrous as the first one?
What if all this is a trap set for me and am falling badly into the trap bait?
What  if the feelings he's talking about end when I set foot in his house?

I held my throbbing head between my hands and took a deep breath. I had decided that I would leave everything in the hands of God. I had decided that I would leave behind my doubt and accept my Qadr(what Allah has decreed upon me) but then the thoughts in my head would get louder and slowly fear will settle in my heart.

I was doing my best fighting my fears. I knew that it was Allah who guided me to make this decision as He was the disposer of all affairs.

"Do you think that I made the right decision?" I asked Lateefa desperately needing her positive affirmations.

"No," she said making my heart drop into my stomach. "You have not just made the right decision but also the best decision. I think you will have a bright future with Shahzad. You are too young my dear to spend your life here. You need to have children and live a happy life not this lonliness. I have spend most of my time here, I do not regret it but I will tell you it's not easy. You need to be loved, to feel the sweetness of love." Sometimes I felt that Lateefa was the mother of love. Everytime she speaks of love her eyes would be distant as if she was reminiscing her own love story. I wanted to know more about her love story not just the little bit of information she shared with me but I needed not to dig into her painful past.

"Thank you," I said with my eyes watering. "You always motivate me. I don't know how I would have survived here without having you by my side." Lateefa opened her arms for me and I embraced her. In my mind I whispered prayers for her since I could never offer her anything. The best I could do for her was pray and mention her name to the owner of the world.

                  ***
"So when is the wedding?" I heard Lateefa ask Shahzad when I placed tea on the coffee table.

"I have not yet approached my parent about this but I will tackle this topic with them today." Shahzad looked at me with a smile of appreciation on his face. I decided to leave him and Lateefa to talk and made my way to the room.

"So I heard you are getting married soon inshallah?" Rabiha asked me as she played with her flexible walking stick in her hand. She was sitting at the edge of the bed with a big smile on her face.

"I have just received a proposal so am not sure of anything." I said doubting that Shahzad parent would accept this marriage. Who will let their child marry a woman on wheelchair? My stomach twisted in pain. A tiny bit of me wanted to have this marriage successful. The thoughts of having children played in my mind everynight before sleep drenched my soul.

"Am so happy for you. I will miss seen you around but I will be happy that you will get to have a house of your own, a beautiful family and live a beautiful normal life." Rabiha stretched her arms to give me a hug.

Lateefa entered the room to inform me that Shahzad wanted to have a word with me.

"Is that your fiancée?" Rabiha asked gleefully.

"Indeed he is," Lateefa answered on my behalf. "And he is such a hottie." She winked at me. A flash of his beautiful smile resurfaced on my mind and I couldn't help but mentally agree.

"Too bad that I can't see him." Rabiha sighed. I placed my hand on her shoulder before making my way toward the door.

I stared at the wheels of my wheelchair as I made my way towards him, aware of the set of eyes that were on me.

"Assalam Aleykum?" I greeted him.

"Waleykum salam. How are you doing?" Shahzad asked staring at his hand. I gave my respond and waited for him to speak.

"I just wanted to make sure that I did not force you into accepting my proposal. I hope you are not doing this out of sympathy or anything. I want you to want this marriage to happen not just do it for my sake. Should I go ahead with this marriage?" He asked raising his eyes to meet mine. In his eyes, I read hope and many more emotions that I couldn't name.

"I made my answer certain last time and you shouldn't worry about me." I told him and without waiting for him to say anything else, I turned and wheeled my wheelchair moving further away from him.