Opening my eyes, I find lateefa sitting on a stool next to where am laying. She has a dead grip on my hand and her eyes are teary.
I sit up and give her a bear hug. It gets difficult to hold up, to keep myself from crying so I let out all the agony. I cry till my tears are drenching Latifa's clothes.
I cry for myself, I cry for the loss of my family and somewhere in my heart a nail is driving through its chambers.
I should have talked to them
I should have let them into my pain
"I don't want to live anymore Lateefa.." she hugs me tighter without any words. I love the fact that she isn't giving me false hope, she isn't telling me that things will get fine when I know it will never.
"Never lose hope in the mercy of Your Lord." My heart picks its pace and I glance at the door to find Shahzad leaning on the frame his eyes fixed on mine.
He is holding packages that contain medicine that suppose to fix my heart. Am certain that those pills will never fill the holes in my soul.
It can relieve my physical pain but my pain runs deeper than that.
I wipe out the dampness on my face.
"I thought it will be better to have you medically cared here than in the hospital." Shahzad speaks softly yet his voice always sounds rough.
He fills the syringe with medicine and sits next to me on the bed. He takes my hands and looks at my face for any sign of fear even so am far from fear.The syringe sinks into my skin and I feel the medicine rushing through my veins.
"You should take this pills only after having your meal." He keeps on talking about how I should use the medicine and how am suppose to refrain from stressing myself. Impossible. He knows it's impossible for he knows the situation am in.
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I reel my wheelchair until am outside my room.
The breeze hits me in a welcoming comfort. I gulp down the cold air allowing it to fill my desperate lungs.
I observe and watch the beauty of the night. The stars are lightly pressed against the sky. The moon is more prominent than ever. I drop my headscarf around my shoulder to block the cold from seeping into my bones.
Dear Allah,
Please forgive them
Have mercy on them
Shall their soul rest in peace
This pain am not sure it will cease
Light up their grave
Lord help me stay brave
Am shaking and it has nothing to do with the cold. The tears flow non stop until my eyes hurt and can't produce more tears. I struggle to swallow the fist logged in my throat. My nose is blocked and my lungs hurt from exertion of forcefully gulping air through my mouth.
I reach for the book Shahzad gave me through Jessica. It's this book that sometimes keeps me grounded. I slip through the pages and stop to reread his little entry to prove to myself that humanity somewhere exist in some certain humans.
Every soul shall have a taste of death and only on the day of judgement shall you be paid your full recompense. Only those who are saved from the fire and admitted to paradise will have attained the object(of life). For the life of this world is but good and chattels of deception. (Q:3,185)
What is this world but a dream that a sleeper sees. He delights in it for a few moments and then wakes up to face reality.
We lose ourselves in this world when our main aim is to worship the King. We dwell in this life forgetting the next. Everything is temporary, life itself is temporary.
I forget myself between those words that I barely feel the hand on my shoulders. Only then do I realise that my tears had wetted the papers. I dab my scarf on the page in my attempt to dry it.
"You can talk to me, you know right. Sometimes talking your heart out lift the heaviness up." Lateefa mumbles her voice laced with pain.
"I don't know what to talk about. How did you came to terms with living life without your loved one." I randomly ask and heard her gasp in exasperation.
"Life is unpredictable that's all I have learned. Am not fully recovered myself. Even after all this years, his bloody face haunts me. I think of what we could be if the accident never happened. I sometimes hear his laughter in my mind and still feel his hand in mine. I think he has become part of me, he resides inside me now. He might be dead but it feels he is alive with me." I watch as Lateefa wipes a tear away and somehow I realise that we never recover from things, we just get good at hiding our pains.
"You were young, did you never thought of remarrying. Like maybe you could have kids now." She winced even though my intention wasn't to dig deep into her wounds.
"The thought of another man touching and erasing his memories disgusted me. I decided I will be patient till the Lord reunites us again in Jannah. Hakim was a good man, I pray Allah is pleased with him."
"Am sorry I didn't mean to remind you, your bitter memories." I place my head on Lateefa's shoulder and close my eyes.
"It isn't bitter memories but the sweetest of what I have lived. I just pray that old age doesn't tamper with the memories of me and Hakim." Lateefa pat my head on her shoulder as she speaks.
"Your love story is beautiful," I remarked. "I don't believe in love but when I hear your story, I think that lucky ones do experience love and although it is rare it do exist."
"Everyone gets to experience love. You just have to be patient and wait for the right partner. Ameera, you are very young. I pray God send the right man in your life." She raises her hand in the air and whispers ameen under her breath.
My eyes welled up with tears.
Impossible! Am crippled, homeless.
I would have loved to have babies of my own but I have to accept that will remain a dream.
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Assalam Aleykum? I pray you are in good health.
I don't know if am writing well so I would have loved to know your opinion.
With love SBI❤️
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LET ME WALK YOU TO JANNAH
SpiritualSome people never experience peace Their pain never ease Maybe their peace is the next world Maybe for them it's the life after death ***** You were nothing but a test on my path To win or lose was trying my worth You couldn't hear the words m...
