LET ME WALK YOU TO JANNAH

Chapter 13

It has been a week since Shahzad proposed to me. I haven't seen him since then. Part of me was glad because I had no answer in my mind.
I was continuously praying Istiqara this whole week asking Allah to guide me to the right decision.

I felt like he deserved better, like someone more beautiful. Someone who wasn't mentally unstable like me.
Someone with their all six senses unlike me. He was young, handsome, Kind, educated and could get any woman he wanted.

Why would he chose you
Is this some kind of twisted game
He knows we aint same

I stared at the moon holding the shawl wrapped around my body tightly. I whispered some prayers into the wind hoping it will carry my words with precision.

"Amira." Lateefa tapped my shoulders lightly. She sat beside me and I dropped my head on her shoulders finding comfort in her arms. I was glad that she filled the position of a mother for me. She made this journey of mine more bearable.

"You have been very distracted this week. Your mind seems to be elsewhere." She rubbed my arms soothing the worries that had me consumed.

"It's just that am unsure of everything. Shahzad's proposal and everything has me confused and consumed. I am unsure of everything. I don't even know what I should tell him."

"Just be open with him. If you don't like him, be open about it."

"It's not about him," I tell her, "he is a nice guy. The problem is me. I don't know why he would choose me. I don't know what he sees in me. I am crippled and am sure I will not make a good wife." I try my best caging the tears behind my eyelids. I swallow down the lump in my throat.

"You will make a perfect wife my dear. Don't throw your life out by yourself. You have as many opportunities as you embrace my dear. You deserve to live and don't you think you are being a little harsh to yourself?" Lateefa rubs the tear that managed to escape its prison.
"He likes you, Shahzad really do like you and he's a genuine person. This might be Allah rewarding you for your patience. Pray to Allah to guide you to make the best decision." She embraces me in a comforting motherly hug. I throw my worries out of the window and lock my mind from the negative thoughts. I take a deep breath and leave everything in the hands of my maker knowing that He will never disappoint me.

"I think you should go back to bed. You are waking up early tomorrow for work." I nodded and slowly started to wheel my wheelchair.

After hours of turning and rolling in my bed, slumber overtook me and I welcomed the darkness shutting down my brain.
                        

                           ****
It was a public holiday and everyone was given the day off even though the restaurant did not close. The manager politely requested Fareeha, his niece to be there and she didn't turn down his request. I thought the work would be too much for Fareeha so I also decided to show up and help her out since I had nothing important to do at home. I also wanted to run away from my mind and burry myself with work.

Today me and Fareeha were serving as waiteress. Belden restaurant was deserted and rarely people showed up. I liked the restaurant this way, quiet and peaceful. I made hot chocolate for a brunette old lady who was sitted at the far corner of the restaurant. She had a book in her hand and as I served her the drink, I noticed that she was studying a translated Quran. I stood there staring at her after I placed her drink on the table. My eyes filled with tears.

"You are Islam?" She asked me when she noticed that I hadn't yet left. I felt embarrassed that she caught me staring at her. I nodded realizing that she meant " Muslim". "Am trying to study the Quran. Recently am finding myself getting drawn into your religion." She explained her situation.

"Don't worry you are on the right path. If Allah guided you to His book am certain He will guide you to the way of success and make it easy for you." I reassured her. My heart whispering prayers to Allah to guide her back to Islam.

When I moved back to the counter, Fareeha asked me what I was discussing with the old woman.
"She's contemplating about reverting.
May Allah guide her and make her journey easy for her."

"Ameen Ya Rabb. Alhamdullilah, sometimes we take been born as a Muslim for granted. Imagine the hardship people go through to find Islam, how hard it is to have no one's support you. The complications of having a change of your way of life, be it the dressing code, beginning to pray five times and memorizing the pillars of salah. It can get overwhelming sometimes. I pray Allah make it easy for every revert out there." Fareeha prayed, her eyes filled with tears mirroring mine.

We heard the bell of the restaurant chime and we both averted our gaze to the entrance. It was an automatic bell that ringed anytime someone stepped close to the entrance.

I wasn't expecting it to be him. I wasn't prepared to see Shahzad today. He entered, his gaze lowered as he briskly walked and sat at the center. He lifted his eyes and I met his gaze from behind the counter. My breathe hitched in my throat. His brown orbs were too piercing and his gaze was too deep. There was a flash of emotions in his  eyes before he hastily  looked away busying himself in the menu.

"Can you get his order please?" Fareeha motioned with her head towards Shahzad. " He has been acting weird this week like he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He has been avoiding everyone and he looks disturbed so I want to give him a medicine of his own. If he doesn't want to talk to me then I might as well keep my distance." Fareeha blabbered with a hint of irritation in her voice. I nodded in understanding.

"Assalamu aleykum? Your order?" I was shaking and the frantic beating of my heart did not do me justice.

All I heard was "Americano" and I scribbled it in the small piece of paper . "Anything else?" My voice sounded foreign to my own ears.
He shook his head and I wheeled my wheelchair hating the fact that it couldn't sprint faster at the moment.

As I watched Fareeha prepare his order, I couldn't help but think of the possibility of getting married to this young handsome man. I stole a glance at him as he stared at his phone with a bored expression. My heart picked its pace and I felt a warm feeling enveloping and settling in my stomach.

It will be beautiful. I thought to myself unaware of the decision my heart was making or the decision that my heart had already made but my mind was stubborn to accept.

I delivered his Americano and cleared my throat to get his attention. I lifted my eyes to meet his. His eyes were captivating. I knew this from the beginning.

"Shahzad, can we talk tonight?" I asked softly. He looked at my face trying to decipher and read from my expression. He looked hopeful and my stomach twisted in pain and pleasure.

Was I making the right decision?