A Little Bit Of It (JENLISA)

Chapter 7: Morning Coffee

Opening my eyes I found myself once again beside Lisa, carefully I removed her hand and stood up. In my whole existence I never knew I'd come across someone like Lisa, being an outcast is who I am all throughout Highschool years. Sitting by the table, I couldn't help but look at Lisa. Not only do I find her attractive but undyingly annoying as well too, watching her sleep makes me feel peaceful, as her bangs becomes a mess, her hair scattered all over her face and small quiet snores she does, definitely tired.

Crap, my phone. I wonder if Mr. Kim even bothered on messaging me. Pacing it up, I grabbed my phone and noticed I had heaps amount of calls, messages but not from Mr. Kim but from one of the maids.

Jennie, we're terribly sorry about your mother passing away. Wherever you are, please be careful. You're mother, she's in a better place now. Please come home now.

Your father has commanted me to tell you that, if you wish to continue school, must you come home without asking any futher questions.

I'm sorry for your lost Jennie. 

Please come home as soon as you get this.

To my surprise, a sudden wetness was felt as it dripts down from my eyes. How could my father do this? No, how could Mr. Kim do this? Without having a second thought, I realized the texts was sent a few minutes ago, I have time. Running up the door, I looked at Lisa and apologize for not leaving a proper good-bye.

Closing the door behind, I made sure to reach home as soon as I can. Taking my phone, I immediately dialed uber and told me to wait for at least a few minutes. With this whole things going on with life, it appears to be I'm lucky enough to catch an uber within this distance. Lucky.

Precipitously, a black Toyota car stopped in front of me. "Hi, I'm the uber." Smiling in reply, I opened the door and pave my way in. "Where to Miss?" Replying the exact address, I adverted my attention elsewhere. Looking outside, the sun is rising once again. What a way to start my morning, just a few more minutes before I reach home.

Several minutes has past and we have finally reached home. "That would be 50$ Miss" I quickly gave the exact amount and left the driver behind. Home, is this even still a home? Seeing my mother's lifeless body laying on the ground yesterday was.. torture, but I know she'd rather die than to stay with a man such as Mr. Kim. Who knew such dream would be a reality, might've been a sign for me to wake up from such relaxing dream and face the horror of reality.

As I walked up the fence and made my way in front of the door, a sudden breeze flew through my hair. Could this be mother? How silly of me to think it was a sign from mother that she's guiding me. I'm not a child anymore, those things exists in movies, novels, poems and God knows what else. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath as I turn the handle. "Hello?" My voice echoing, silence filled the air in space moments later. Not a single light was seen opened, nor a single person to be seen.

Grabbing my phone, there was zero texts coming from the maids.

"Mr. Kim?" I yelled. 

No reply.

Walking towards the table, a note was only seen.

Hello Jennie,

I have left early for work, the food is ready, just heat it up inside the oven. I have decided to give the maids a break, after seeing your Mother died, everything went downhill afterwards. I'll be home late tonight as well, don't bother waiting nor think about cooking supper for me. Just think about yourself and make sure you eat. 

- Mr. Kim

Huh, this may be the first time Mr. Kim was actually nice, or perhaps this is his way of being kind  as how she just lost her wife.  Walking through this dreadful walls felt more depressing now that mother is gone, I miss mom's playing. The thought of her not playing every 5 in the morning doesn't suit right, the fact that I never really appreciated her playing because she would always play the same piece over and over again that sometimes it just irritates me, is something I'll miss now. I wish I was able to tell mom how elegant her playing is, there's so much I wish  on my mind right now that makes me hate myself even more.

People around me always tell me; 

Live life to the fullest, it's hard to be alive when all you have are questions that are unanswered.

You're only a child once in a lifetime, go have fun.

It's best to just go, rather than hiding go and live your life to the fullest.

Kind of wish I told mom everything I ever felt. Sighing after, I went straight to my room. Maybe skipping a day in school wouldn't hurt, I just don't have the energy to listen to any lectures or being scold at for being late. As soon as I hit the bed, grabbing my bunny stuff toy was the first thing I did. Rolling on my sides, wishing Lisa was here to hug me.

Wait, what am I thinking? Did I really just wish Lisa was here? I barely know her and I want to be rational, I don't think I can handle another pain where I'm being used again. Okay, Jennie from now on, no more irrational thoughts about Lisa. She's a friend who really cares about and is actually like that to her friends as well, so there's nothing special. It is what she is, a very sweet, charming, loving Lisa. 

Closing my eyes, I hid my eyes from the sunlight with my arm. Oh mother, if only you met Lisa. Wait, will mother still love me if I came to a conclusion that I might be more into women than men? Well, whatever it is, I hope you do mother. 

Grabbing my phone, I played Anchor by Novo Amor. Letting my voice echos, I spoke; "As I whisper these words, let the room filled with music coming from my lips, emotions coming from my hear and questions coming from my mind. Mother, the moment you disappeared from my life, pain, anger hindered upon me. Mumbling the words filled with hatred how I wish you never left me from your sight. Please come back, how must I survive to a father who finds pleasure through the sufferings of others. Giving up, I sighed quietly. Mother, I know you are in a better place, may you find the peace you deserve, the love you were longing for and the attention you need. I will foremore be grateful to once have a mother like you, no matter what, you will always be the mother in my heart and whole world. I may be an orphan but through our bond, it felt as if we were one my dearest mother. I love you with everything that I am, and I will fight for your justice no matter what. I'll do anything for the people I care most, Now I understand you mother.

These are the simple things you'll do for the people you care and love most. To be there, to fight for them, support them through the roughest roads, and always reminding them that there are never alone in this big sad, mad world. Now I understand Lisa. thank you mother, for you have taught me to be better and to understand. May you guide me through this journey as we both figure out what my heart wants. I love you."

Opening my eyes, I smiled at the thought of Pain. Love. Hatred. Anger. Four simple things that makes us human, perchance it is a way to show that, reality is a composition of several things. Indicating that reality might be harsh but with support and love, maybe we can get through it after all.