A Little Bit Of It (JENLISA)

Chapter 18: It's been too long

"Jennie, you're still hoping aren't you?" Jisoo speaks in a whisper, loud enough for just us two. Sighing as the words escape her heart-shaped lips, wishing everything would just go back to how it was back then.

However, knowing that time will truly take its time giving me back the love I miss so much, my Lalisa who I love dearly, I'm more than ready to wait for her.

"I'll always wait for her Jisoo" My words barely escaping my lips, tears starts to fall as I stare at my love through a glass window.

It's been too long and it's still you, it's been seven months and you're still there, lying on the bed, your body lifeless. 

"Jennie maybe it's time to give Lisa the rest that she deserves." Gritting my teeth on her reply, I looked at Jisoo completely in disbelief. From one look I know she understood that she had just said something that made me feel furious.

She bows her head apologetically and excused herself, giving me this time to be with Lisa despite being separated by a gray colored wall.

Closing my eyes I whisper these words; "Lisa, please. I know you can hear me, come home to me my love. I miss you so so much, I'm so sorry you have to go through this because of me.

Please come back to me my love. I'll always wait for you, I'll always be here with you."

"Ma'am you can't stay here any longer, visitor hours is up already, I'm sorry but you have to leave" The nurse taps my shoulder, insisting on guiding me out the the floor.

By now Jisoo is probably already at the parking lot, waiting for me. As the nurse guided me inside the elevator, I bowed my head and said my thanks to her. 

Jisoo's words repeating in my head had given me thoughts that I never enjoyed imagining. But it was clear enough to make me think whether or not I should let Lisa go.

Meeting Lisa while I was in a state of accepting death had kept been playing on my head, her telling me that I shouldn't be with her made me have second thoughts of keeping her body here.

The elevator soon then opens, and I was greeted by non-other Jisoo Kim. She smiles from a far and waved, smiling at her small gesture I paved my way into her arms, hugging her ever so tightly. 

"I miss her"

She only hums in reply while she pets my head. Jisoo then removed our hug and placed her shoulder around me, walking us out of the hospital.

As soon as we were inside her car, I rolled down the window and watched every building passing by. With the sound of the cars honking, to drunk people walking along the pathwalk, to watching the stars shimmer from above.

"Lisa, please don't give up yet. I need you." I whisper the words, hoping it wasn't loud enough for Jisoo to hear. But I was mistaken, she places a hand on my thighs making me face her and showed me a small smile.

I smiled back and went back to watching the peaceful night. This night felt too familiar to be unrecognizable, the peaceful dark clear sky, with the stars shining from above and the moon brightening the dark gray sky felt too surreal. Closing my eyes as I recall the happenings on that one miserable night. 

The night where everything was turned into total sh*t, my step-father passing away, my mother suiciding, everything. I released a sighed as I hate remembering the things that had happened from the past.

Accepting the truth was easy, but remembering what had happened is the worse. I hate relapses, just when I thought I was getting better all hell breaks lose and it's like I was back to square one. "Jennie" Jisoo calls.

"We're here." I looked to my side, having little to zero energy of leaving this car. I've been staying at Jisoo's place, and being a third-wheeler is definitely hard. Nontheless, even if I'm a thirdwheeler, I'm more than grateful to have met this two lovely people.

Without them, I might have gone mad, blaming myself for everything, hurting myself, telling myself that this is what I get for not being able to respect my parents.

Losing my parents ruined me, but the thought of losing Lisa felt more like a punishment. Jisoo walks to my door and opens my side. "Come on Jennie, it's getting late. You need sleep" Nodding my head in reply, I stood up and made my way through the front door.

The moment the handle was turned, Jisoo and I was greeted by Rosé, she had her warm smile on and without having and second thoughts. She rushed herself to Jisoo and immediately hugged her. Despite me being a thirdwheeler, at least one of us deserves to be happy.

"I'll go to my room" I spoke followed by saying my goodnights to the both of them. They waved to me and I made my way into my room. Plopping on the bed, while staring at my phone. It's another one of those episodes where I crave for physical touch, a touch that can only be given by my Lisa. A touch that reassured me everything will be okay. A touch that had always showed kindness and careness in everything she does.

Shifting my position, I grabbed my notebook and a pen. That's when reality hit me, realizing that I was going back to my old habit wherein I would write on my notebook and pretend as if I'm telling someone how my day had just went.

Flipping through pages, I went pass a folded page where it seprates my notes from my parents and a part where it's all about Lisa.  

Day God knows when.

I visited you today love, you look stunning as ever, with you hair lay flatly on the bed, your arms resting on both of your sides and eyes. Oh you breathtaking eyes, you look so beautiful everyday. Today was your another typical day, nothing much but I sure as hell it would've been much more exciting if you were here with me love. Please wake up, I miss you so so much. 

Pausing for a while, I stare into the darkest night with only stars and the moon to brighten the sky. A sighed exited in between my lips as I resumed into writing.

As I write these words, may God guide you in your journey into surviving your fatal experience. With these words I write, I will be yours always, through this ups and downs of yours I will forever choose you, no matter how difficult you are to handle sometimes, I will always always love you Lalisa Manoban, my amazing wonderful star.

Closing my notebook I sighed. It was only 23:30 and sleeping was nowhere near me yet. Hopping of the bed I decided to sit on the ground, as I ponder and wonder through this quiet night. I'm sorry, but I have to be selfish on this one.

Please fight Lisa, I miss you so much my love. Without realizing, sleep hindered upon me as the tears continues to fall without showing any signs of stoping.