Zelus (Perseus Reimagined) (BXB)

Chapter 31

"You're insane." 

2013

SEX WAS ANOTHER MYSTERY I hadn't solved as a kid. I never knew why people found pleasure in doing that. Like, why do you feel good just by tasting each other? Or having intercourse that looks painful. I've read about it, watched it on illegal sites, and still felt nothing but disgust. While the world believes dying a virgin is the saddest thing ever, I think the opposite, as I didn't want anyone's junk squished against my face.

Well, that is until I had an experience of my own.

I still remember that night as though it was yesterday, although a year had already passed. The passionate kissing, the way his lips felt against my chest, wondering if he could hear my heart racing. My hand trailed down his spine, our eyes staring deep into each other's soul, our trembling breaths when we paused to laugh at absolutely nothing.

Everything.

At that moment, I realized the heart wasn't the only thing love was about. It's also the body. A thing called desire. And my body had never felt more alive on that night.

When all was done, he spooned me. His warm breath on the back of my neck and his hands secured around my stomach, drifting to sleep while I began to wonder what my younger self would say if he saw me now, in the arms of his best friend. I know what I'll tell him. So much, but I'll let him know that sex isn't always lust but also a way of expressing true love to your partner, and someday, he'll understand it.

I understand it.

"I got an idea," he crouches down to grab a handful of snow, making a snowball.

"If you're going to hit me with that, be prepared to get a black eye," I joke.

It's that time of the year again, Christmas. The time when carolers become the walking concert as they venture from one house to another to sing Christmas tunes. A time when a cup of hot chocolate topped with mini marshmallows sounds a hundred times better than a cup of latte. And a season where loved ones reunite to celebrate the holiday. Something I can't relate to.

Whenever Christmas arrives, everyone makes a big fuss over it. I took it as just another month on the calendar. Mom and dad would start decorating the house in November, right after Halloween. My siblings would plan the holidays and occasionally a house party. Whereas for me—the weird child in the family— I'd stay cooped up in my room, under the covers, doors locked, and windows shut. Only getting out of bed, using the bathroom, and going downstairs for food.

I wish I could say that was my way of spending Christmas, but I would be lying. It was merely a method of avoiding my family or the whole world as I didn't belong in a room full of light and joy but a room with dark and misery. Besides, my own family was okay without having me around.

If I were friends with Alex back then, he'd probably call me 'emo.'

This year is different. Alex and I went to town, picked up some Chinese takeaways, and sat by a bench at the snowy park. And I didn't regret it one bit.

It couldn't be any more perfect as there weren't many people present. Maybe a couple strolling by the frozen river, an elderly man walking his Pitbull who's also dressed in a snug, doggy winter coat, and a few teenagers—probably our age— building an army of miniature snowmen. Most people celebrated at the buffets, downing beers at the bars, shopping for presents at the malls, and god knows what else.