Just tell me (Phan AU)

Wearing a Vintage Misery

DAN POV

What the hell is happening?! I was just talking to Phil when I felt the urge to kiss him. What if he doesn't like me in that way? What if I just ruined our friensh- wait a second. Is he kissing back? Oh my god. At least I now know why he has been acting strange.

My mind then went blank. All of the worry seemed to melt away into the kiss. Our lips moved skilfully, fitting perfectly together. It was as if they were made for each other. The kiss wasn't at all desperate or needy, but instead it was filled with every raw emotion we had. I felt as though I was giving Phil everything I had in that moment.

My arms wrapped around Phil's hips pulling him closer as he put his arms around my neck, deepening the kiss. After a few seconds, we pulled away from each other, completely out of breath. Phil rested his forehead against mine and whispered, "Dan, I-I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting that." I laughed and sighed at the same time. "So what happens now?" I asked. A slight smile forms on Phil's lips. I looked at them, remembering how they felt against my own. They were so soft, which I had not been expecting. Yes, it is true that I had thought about Phil and how it would feel to kiss him in the past, but if never imagined that it would actually happen.

My body stiffened as I realised what had just happened. Phil didn't seem to notice, but still lifted his face away from my own. "I don't actually know, Dan." He said answering my question, but I wasn't listening to what he said. It had just hit me that I been kissing Phil, my best friend in the entire world, and I was terrified. What if I just ruined everything? How does Phil feel? If he wants to take this a step further what will the audience think? What will my family think?! Out of the hundreds of questions circling my head, this one struck a nerve in me.

For the longest time I have been listening to my parents talking about the "sin" that is homosexuality. I never saw a problem with it. They would always warn me about staying away from boys I knew that could possibly be gay in case they "exposed me to their ways and infected my brain". I never knew why but whenever they said something like this, it made me feel nervous. I would feel slightly ill. It's possible that this was my brain's way of telling me that I had something to realise.

I suddenly became aware of Phil sitting next to me rubbing my shoulder, murmuring my name. "Dan?" He whispered. I silently turned to face my friend. He was watching me in confusion. "Dan, what's wrong? You've been sitting here silently for the past five minutes staring at nothing." I couldn't answer his question. I felt my eyes beginning to sting. Knowing that the tears would soon follow, I stood rather abruptly. I ran out of the room, heading towards my bedroom before locking myself in. I ignored the shouts from a dumbfounded Phil sitting on our sofa.

PHIL POV

What the hell was that?! Is he okay? To be fair, Dan was the one who kissed me. I didn't kiss him. Oh my god he actually kissed me! The man who I have has feelings for for the longest on time actually kissed me!

In that moment, I didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, I was shocked and thrilled because of what happened, but on the other hand I was terrified of what would happen next. When Dan left the room in such a hurry, I couldn't help but feel a mixture of guilt and upset filling up in my stomach. Why had he just left? I stood up hastily, following my friend to his bedroom.

When I got there, I found the door had been locked. I wasn't surprised, but I was still confused as to why he had left. "Dan?" I called. I didn't get a reply, so I continued to speak. "Dan, I'm, I'm so sorry. Please don't be annoyed with me." My voice cracked halfway through the sentence as the tears that had been clouding my vision for a few minutes finally fell. Dan still didn't reply, but I could hear faint snivelling coming from inside his room, which made me aware that Dan was crying.

This is broke my heart. My best friend, my Dan was sitting alone in his bedroom and was really unsettled because of my actions. I sat on the floor and talked to Dan through the door. I honestly felt like we were in the movie Frozen (A/N: yes I did just make a Frozen reference. Come at me bro). I talked to Dan about how sorry I was and now much he meant to me, but he didn't reply. I gave up trying, before falling asleep on the floor outside of his bedroom seconds later.

A/N: thank you to @Nikki053709021 (the thing for adding links won't work for some reason) or helping me think of ideas for this chapter

so this is a bit of a stupid chapter but don't worry the next will be better. Thank you so much for over 100 views oh my god! I'm sorry about the Frozen reference. Im not actually a fan but it seemed relevant:')

as always, stay classy!

*bows, throws glitter and cartwheels away*