Just tell me (Phan AU)

Let's be Alone Together

DAN POV- 2015

In all the years I've known him, Phil Lester has not been able to keep a secret from me. Whenever he found out some gossip about other Youtubers (which honestly didn't happen regularly) or was trying to hide something from me, he could always keep his mouth shut, but there were warning signs in his face. Phil's bright blue eyes would widen even more than they already were. His pale cheeks would have a light pink glow and his lips would quiver. Most people didn't notice these things, but of course I did since I know him better than anyone else. This all started just before we were supposed to film Phil Is Not On Fire 6.

I was setting up the camera while Phil looked through some questions that we could possibly answer. "Dan?" he asked quietly. I turned to face him. He was looking down at my phone. "What's wrong?" I asked, slightly confused as to why he sounded so quiet. "Have you ever wondered why so many people think we're together? I mean, I know we live together and everything but lots of people live with their friends. Why does it have to be us?" He looked up from the phone and stared at me blankly. I thought about what he had said for a few seconds before replying. "Maybe we're made for each other and the millions of Internet Cupid's are trying to give us a hint", I answered jokingly. My smirk faded slightly when I saw Phil's reaction. He gave me a sad smile before returning his gaze to the screen that was lighting up his face ever so slightly. I opened my mouth to ask if he was okay, but promptly closed it and returned to setting the camera up. I thought it was best to just drop the subject and move on.

PHIL POV

"... Then go watch our gaming videos. They're fun and stuff. Okay, thanks." Dan said, signing off the video. Finally. After five hours of awkwardly answering questions I could drop the fake smile that I had on. I looked over at Dan as he was leaning over to turn the camera off. I let out a sigh of relief because 1. We were finished filming and 2. For a few seconds I didn't have Dan looking at me. I knew that Dan could probably sense something different about me. I was good at hiding my feelings, but not from him. Those chocolate brown eyes. I blame them for everything. I blame them for not being able to keep a secret, I blame them for seeing me differently to how everybody else sees me, but most of all, I blame them for how they make me feel.

I was dating a girl for two years before I first started to talk to Dan. I saw his comments on my youtube videos. He was a sweet, teenaged boy who would always leave a '<3' at the end of his comments on my vlogs. They made me smile, which is why I first started to talk to him. He seemed genuinely interested in my boring life. It was the first time I Skyped him when I realised how I felt about this boy from Berkshire, that had a cute Winnie the Pooh accent. He was so perfect. His face was slender, but not overly so. His tanned skin suited the colour of his fringe perfectly. I noticed that his fringe was facing the opposite direction to my own. It fell from left to right, whereas mine went from right to left. Opposites attract, I suppose. I noticed how Dan smiled whenever I spoke. His smile was slightly crooked, which was just more adorable. Then I decided to make a joke. It wasn't entirely funny but he still laughed. His lips parted to reveal perfect, white teeth, and I noticed a dimple in his cheek. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen. His beautiful, warm coffee eyes were what had me in a trance though. Had me hanging on every word that left him mouth. Dan was beautiful to me, and from that day on, I knew I had to make him my own. That night, I ended my relationship with my girlfriend. Yes, I was a bit upset, but I knew this would be a good idea.

Here we are, five years later and I'm still single. Dan hasn't given me any indication that we should have a relationship that is more than just platonic. It is obvious that he cares about me, just not in the way I want. I decided that I would tell Dan how I feel very soon, but that isn't as easy as it sounds. Any time I try to approach the subject, I feel as though I have had my vocal chords removed. My heart beats so fast that it threatens to burst from my chest. I feel the sweat start to form on my brow and I'm unable to tell him. It's horrible. I feel so useless. I have to leave the room before Dan notices that something is wrong. I use the excuse that I have to go to the bathroom or that I need to find something in my bedroom every time. I hope he hasn't noticed that there is something I'm avoiding telling him. I don't want to lose him as a friend because I have these stupid feelings. I will them to go away, but it never works. I keep them bottled up in the hope that one day he will make the first move and I can finally tell him.

DAN POV

As I turn the camera off, I rub my face in the hope the the drawn on cat whiskers will fade slightly. I smiled as I thought about everyone I went to college with before I dropped out. They are all living their normal lives, probably being completely bored, whereas I am making youtube videos about whatever I wanted while having Sharpie whiskers drawn on my face with my best friend, Phil. My smile drops as I think back to earlier. Phil seemed upset and I though it was time to ask him about it. I turned around. He sees me do so and drops his gaze to the floor. Was he watching me? "Phil are you okay?" I ask, hoping that he would be honest. "Yeah I'm fine. I just don't feel very well" he replies, looking at the floor. He lifts his head to look at me. His eyes are wide, his cheeks are pink and his bottom lip is quivering. He wasn't telling the truth. I saw him open his mouth before quickly closing it again. Is he sweating? I think to myself. His breathing looked uneasy. "I- I'm erm... I'm going for a shower." Phil stutters before walking swiftly out of his room, leaving the door open behind him. What's wrong with him?

PHIL POV

Wow, well done, Phil. That was literally the best moment to tell Dan and you blew it. You will have to tell him eventually so why not make it easy? I looked in the bathroom mirror and sighed. I realised rest I was still wearing Dan's t-shirt from when we did impressions of each other. I took it off before holding it to my face and closing my eyes. I could smell him. He smells of vanilla and cinnamon. I smiled into the tshirt before realising what I was doing. My eyes snapped open as I realised that there would be marks from my whiskers on his clothes and he would know what I was doing. I quickly removed it from my face before remembering that it is also black. In that moment I was delighted that he always wore black. I took off the rest of my clothes, turned music on my phone and stepped into the shower. I could hear the voice of Brendon Urie over the sound of the water. I sang along with the Panic! At The Disco song. I then thought about the lyrics. "I don't mind, take your time, I've got things to besides sit around and wait for you. Oh, and I hope you do too." I thought that this song suited how I felt both Dan. It hurt that he didn't love me, but I needed him in my life. I was sick of waiting for him to say something. I stopped the water, got dressed and walked confidently out of the bathroom after taking a few deep breaths. It was time to tell him.

A/N: This is the first fanfiction I have ever written so it's probably complete and utter crap. I just felt the need to contribute to this website, even though I have no idea how it works. If there is actually somebody reading this then OMG HI!!!! I can't imagine anybody seeing this so you've literally made me sooo happy even if you hated it. If even one person reads this story, I will post another chapter for that person alone.

Until then, stay classy! *bows, throws glitter and leaves the room*