Just tell me (Phan AU)

Tear In My Heart

A/N: it's been a while.... I finally know where this Fic is going so I hope to upload it every Saturday until it's finished. Today isn't Saturday but I couldn't wait!

PHIL POV
It's times like this that I just like to sit and ask myself the same questions over and over again.

Why?
Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
Can I not just be happy? 

Can I not just be happy... This question was the hardest to listen to as they all spiralled around my head, trying to break the brave façade that stayed put in my face. You know, I was actually happy for a few years. That started when I replied to Dan's comment on a whim and it started a whole new aspect of my life. Our friendship. Of course I knew that I had feelings towards Dan, and they were stopping some of the joyous feelings from, well, being felt.
I was at my happiest for the first two months of my relationship with Dan. We came out to all of our friends, my family and Dan's brother Adrian. We avoided Dan's parents, not wanted to dampen our high spirits. On the night we told Chris and Pj, they laughed and told us about how they were going to come out to us on the exact same night. What a coincidence. Our bond as friends grew stronger because there was no secret to be held as a burden for any of us. This didn't last as long as I had hoped.

I'm going to explain the situation metaphorically. Imagine you are holding a porcelain vase. This vase represents something you hold dear to yourself.
You're walking along and at first you're cautious of the delicate material in your hands. You take small steps, trying not to drop it or damage it in any way. Eventually you become more confident and lose sight of the task you had, not noticing the vase in your hands until you make a wrong move. The porcelain falls to the ground and cracks info either a million pieces or just a few. This is what happened to my relationship with Dan.

We were a little bit too happy and way too confident. I don't know what made us think that we  could walk around London without a care in the world, holding each other's hands. Of course we'd run into a fan. Of course she'd address it. Of course we'd deny it. Of course it wouldn't work.
You could almost say that this incident was what caused the vase to fall from our arms and crack against the cold tile beneath our feet. When it fell, it only broke into a few pieces but instead of taking through the situation and glueing it back together, we just left it there. Occasionally our feet would trod over west was left lying on the ground as arguments be me more frequent.

What started all of this? A fan. She saw us holding hands in Starbucks. We pleaded with her to delete the picture she had taken but she was persistent.
"No way. I'm not deleting the picture. It's proof that you've been lying to us." Is what she would tell us.

"Please." Dan would reply each time, clearly getting more and more upset as the minutes went by.

"No not a chance. You've been lying for years and now I have proof of that."

"Look, we haven't been lying for years. Our relationship only began a few months ago and we aren't ready to tell the internet yet. Can you just let us do this on our own?" I replied.

"Not a chance." She retorted.

"Please we'll do anything you want." Dan pleaded.

This was the moment when her eyes lit up and a smirk grew on her face. Eventually we got our own way, after making a number of promises to her in return, including a shoutout, picture together, autograph and a lot of free merchandise.

This day, was the moment the vase fell. Dan became more and more distant as the days passed. He brushed it off at first by saying that he just didn't want to be caught again when we were out in public. I expected him to get over it, but then things got worse. We wouldn't act like a couple in front of people anymore or even when we were alone. Dan wouldn't take part in conversations that I had with him and it was wrecking my head.

Three weeks after the "incident" was when our problem reached its peak.

PHIL POV: TWO-THREE WEEKS AGO

Dan and I had gone to bed together, as usual but there was a lot of space between us. It had been like this for about five days now so I was learning to get used to it. The surprising thing was that when I woke up in the morning, i opened my eyes and couldn't see any signs of Dan.
I got up, confused, and walked around the house. He was nowhere to be seen. Last but not least, I checked his old bedroom and wasn't expecting to see what I had. Dan was sitting on his bed straightening his hair, surrounded in suitcases.
When he noticed me in the door way, I noticed the colour drain from his face.
"Ph-Phil" he stuttered. "I wasn't expecting you to be up yet."

"Where are you going?" I replied, not really wanting to hear his answer.

"Adrian's apartment. I need to get out of here for a few days."

"What? Why? Is this about the girl?"

"Phil I'm not ready for everyone to know. I can't handle being caught again."

"Dan plea-" I began

"PHIL. I JUST CAN'T." He screamed, tears rolling down his face.

I jumped in surprise at his sudden change of tone.
"Dan." I squeaked, the tears forming in my eyes too.

He looked away from me walked out of the bedroom door with two of his cases. I tried to stop him but I just couldn't. I slipped down the wall until I was sitting on the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest and sobbed.
The last I heard from Dan was the door slamming shut.