Just tell me (Phan AU)

The Fear of Falling Apart

PHIL POV

Five days. Five goddamn days since he had left that bedroom. It was starting to get a bit ridiculous at this point. I know Dan can be downright stubborn at times, but this was just at another level. I had given up trying to persuade Dan to leave his bedroom because I just get silence in reply. All I had heard from him was the occasional cough or snivel, but no words. I missed him. I missed him so much. All I wanted was for life to go back to normal. I wished that I could take it back and just redo the past week, but that, obviously, was not possible.

DAN POV

Well, I suppose you could say that I hit rock bottom at this point. I knew Phil's schedule quite well, so I had timed my eating and showering around it. Every morning, Phil would go out to the shops for around an hour. At this time, I would shower. My showers were a lot more depressing than usual. Instead of dramatically singing Celine Dion, which I usually did, I would be focusing on showering as quickly as humanly possible. I had to be sneaky to avoid Phil. when I got out of the shower, I would run to make myself a quick breakfast that I could wash up after easily, so that I didn't bump into the man I was trying so desperately to steer clear of.

Of course I felt awful about this. Phil hadn't done anything wrong. I was technically punishing him for my own wreck less actions. I acted on impulse and in the moment, possibly destroying our friendship. The thoughts of this gave me pains in my chest. All I wanted was to forget the whole incident and go back to living a normal life.

However, one day, my flawless schedule for staying away from Phil failed. I either took way too long in the shower or Phil was early because I walked put of the bathroom and, quite literally, into Phil. I felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights as I stared into his piercing blue eyes. They held a pained expression. I didn't know what to do, so I acted on impulse yet again. I ran.

PHIL POV

Caught you! I ingeniously discovered Dans method of avoiding me. I figured that he would leave his room while I wasn't there, so on day seven of silence I left the apartment, but didn't get further than the porch. I waited until I heard the soft hum of the shower before entering the flat once again. Then, I waited. It seemed as though Dan was only under the water for a few seconds before it stopped. I tip toed over to the bathroom door. I was a comfortable distance away, but still close enough. I heard the lock of the door click. Before I knew it, I was face to face with Dan.

Oh my God. He looks awful. Dan's usually tanned skin had been turned to a ghostly white colour. The glow in his cheeks was removed completely and he had dark cirlces under his brown eyes that were open in shock, and glistened with the tears threatening to spill over the edges. He looked glum and broken. This was not the Dan I knew. Before I had a chance to speak, Dan bolted towards his bedroom. I chased after him, desperately trying to reach him before he managed to lock himself away yet again.

I was a split second too late. I heard the key turn in the door just as I reached it. I pounded my fists on the door, screaming Dan's name in anger. Tears sprung from my eyes as I shouted his name to no avail. After five minutes I gave up. I removed my hands from the door. I shouted a few swear words at Dan before kicking the door for effect. I picked up my coat and left the apartment. I need to get some fresh air to calm down.

DAN POV

Wow. Well done, Dan. If you hadn't lost him before, you definitely have now. I needed to fix this mess for once and for all. I couldn't avoid Phil forever without losing him forever. That was the last thing I wanted. I dried my puffy, red eyes and got to work trying to fix the mess that I created. Throughout the whole time, I was thinking of the lyrics to the Troye Sivan song "Gasoline". Although this song is about cheating on your lover, I felt that the lyrics to the chorus suited our situation quite well. I was cheating on our friendship. I had messed up so badly this time.