Our Soul Connection

11| Self Confession

I sighed as Stetson settled in next to me with his back against the headboard of the bed. I was silent for a few more seconds. "I'm all ears, mate."

"It's been so long, and everything has changed so much..." I trailed off.

"Things are supposed to change. We are supposed to grow, in whatever direction that may be. I'd like to think I've grown for the better." He encouraged me to continue.

"I haven't," I mumbled. I knew it. I just hadn't been ready to admit it to myself until now.

"What do ya mean?" His brows bunched in concern.

"I'm a dick, Stet. Everything with Niko..." I took a deep breath preparing for the confession. "It really messed me up more than I care to admit. More than I have ever admitted."

Stetson hummed softly, but stayed silent waiting for me to continue.

"He just... he kind of took over my whole life in high school. Looking back, I feel like I missed so much because of him." I paused. "I desperately wanted to please him, and make him love me. So I did everything I could to keep him happy. I shut out my friends, broke my relationship with my Mom... and Dad."

"So... you were... obsessed with him?" I swatted at his chest. 

"Okay, okay." He laughed as he batted my hand away. "But... you kind of were." 

I scowled at him, but he was right. So I continued. "Well, now... I can't commit to anything. Except for my grades of course, but even then..."

He stared at me with a soft smile. 

"What?"

He screwed his mouth to the side, presumably chewing on the inside of his cheek.

"What? Say it." I swatted at him again.

He smiled again, "Okay..." His face was suddenly serious as he touched my cheek softly. "You lost yourself in him..."

"I did not! I--"

"You did," he cut me off. "I watched you turn into someone else." 

My face scrunched with confusion.

He sighed and pulled my head to his chest. I stared at the wall across the room but made myself comfortable here as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"The day I met you I thought... Well, I thought you were one of the happiest, most outgoing, beautiful souls I've ever met.

"I related to you in a way I thought I would never relate to anyone. We were... cut from the same cloth? I dunno. You were just... similar to me in so many ways.

"But the longer you spent with him, the more you just... kind of," he took a deep breath, "dimmed."

I felt my eyes begin to burn and a tear slipped over the bridge of my nose.

"He killed your spirit, Athena, and broke your soul somehow. You weren't... you."

I sighed as I sat up and looked him in the face, my hand still resting on his abdomen. "So how do I fix me?"

"Oh no...no." He didn't point out that I was crying, but he grabbed both sides of my face and swiped away the tears with his thumbs. "You don't need fixing, love. You're more you than I've ever seen. And when you realize that..." His honey-brown eyes bored into mine and I felt something stir inside me. He broke his eye contact, dropped his hands, and sighed. "She'll be apples, mate," he finished with a nod and a sad smile.

I giggled. "She'll be apples?"

"What? How long have you been around me?" He paused. "Hmmm. I dunno, but you should know what it means by now."

"I know what it means," I mumbled. I huffed a laugh and returned my head to his chest, facing him this time.

His hand settled in my hair and he played lazily in it in the silence. My chest was heavy. I thought I had never been able to find myself after Niko, but Stetson seemed to think that I was myself. He'd told me everything would be alright,  and I believed him. I just had to see that this was who I was meant to be all along.

"How are you feeling, babe? Better?" I nodded slowly and closed my eyes.

"I was a real dick to Dorian," I blurted.

"To who?" he asked.

"To Dorian. He's my... well, I don't know what he is, but I think I hurt him."

Stetson continued to play in my hair and stayed silent for a few moments. "Is he your... your boyfriend?" he asked again.

I stayed silent for a long time because I didn't know how to answer the question. "I think he might have been, but now..."

"Mmm. Can I ask: what happened?" His finger twirled a single lock of my hair.

"He didn't want me to come tonight."

"That was your choice. Maybe it's a bit selfish, but I'm glad that you did."

"Not like that." I paused trying to remember why he didn't want me to go. "Mia hasn't been a very good friend to me lately. And he didn't think that I should support the friendship."

"Miamiamia... who's Mia?"

I swatted his chest again, if only to hear his gruff laugh. "This is her party--her house."

He chuckled again, "I know Mia. She's quite nice actually. Doesn't seem like a bad friend, but I believe you.  So why did you come?"

I take a shuddering deep breath trying to push away the ache in my chest. "I don't know. This is me. This is my element. And he... well he's really kind of an ass to everyone except me..." I trail off remembering the conversation between us and Mia.

"He sounds... lovely." Stetson laughed as I swatted at him repeatedly. "Again? Woman you're merciless." His voice cracked into more bubbly laughing.

When his laughing calmed and I settled in again and closed my eyes, Stetson whispered, "Just apologize. If you mean that much to him, and you tell him what you told me... he'll understand. If he doesn't... well, come find me." 

"Mmm," came a soft hum from me as I started to drift off. I'll deal with it all tomorrow. 

"I missed you so much," he breathed. It was almost silent, like he was saying it more to himself than me. I barely felt the kiss that Stetson planted right on top of my head before I fell asleep. 

A/N: Hey babes,

I hope you are enjoying the story because I am about to flip it upside down. 

Thank you again for all of your votes and comments. 

Love you 3000,

~A