Weak || Bang Chan

thirty seven

Song:
Deep end by Stray Kids (Felix)
~~~

"I'm nervous," I said in a low voice to the blonde-haired boy.

"I know. You two should really talk though," Felix responded.

We stood before the front door to our home. Butterflies swarmed my stomach and dread hung over my head. I hadn't seen Chan in a year. The boy I felt myself longing for all that time ago and now I was apprehensive to see again.

Emptying my head of all it's thoughts, I bravely pushed down the handle and stepped inside, Felix following suit. I looked across the entryway to the kitchen diner, kicking off my shoes. Sure enough, there he was. Pale-faced, black hoodie and skinny jeans, now blonde-haired Chan.

His face hadn't changed at all. The way his blonde hair seemed to illuminate his complexion, making him look ethereal, even with bare skin. His dark hair made him look mysterious and serious but the blonde made him untouchable.

I swallowed hard. Eomma and my dark-haired adoptive sister, Rachel, stood beside him, talking, but all three faces turned to stare at Felix and me.

My eyes connected with Chan's dark intense ones and I immediately felt like dropping to the floor. His expression seemed so unfazed, jaw-hardening as he looked me up and down. I was still in uniform. My hair was in a messy ponytail and my jeans were covered in grass stains. I was a state. Not only did I feel my face cast a fierce scarlet but it looked as though I had been dragged through a hedge.

Rachel dropped her gaze to the floor before looking at Eunju with an uneasy look, whispering something. Eomma nodded before brushing herself down and nodding to Chan, leaving the room with Rachel behind her.

"We will give you some space," Rachel flashed a smile before her expression became tense.

A silence fell on the room as I awkwardly stood, holding the hem of my uniform polo. I couldn't even bring myself to look at Chan, staring at the floorboards instead.

I felt Felix's hand on my shoulder, squeezing me reassuringly and giving me a brief, sad smile before following his sister and mother.

Now Chan and I were alone and the silence only grew louder. I felt like prey before a predator, so scared to move incase my world came tumbling down. Why did I feel this way? Maybe it was a mixture of embarrassment, grief and longing for the way things used to be, before I ran away from my problems and before my disgusting ex-boss defiled me.

My lip began to tremble. I couldn't run away now. I couldn't even if my legs wanted me too. My fingers desperately gripped at the hem of my shirt, threatening to break every stitch.

I guess I didn't realise how the flood gates opened because before I knew it, my shirt became wet with tears. The way I couldn't pull myself together or articulate my words only worsened my state. It was the heat of the embarrassment setting fire to every fibre of my being that my legs buckled, my head dropping to my chest.

Two warm arms wrapped around me, holding me up. The presence of a strong chest and a deep heartbeat against my face as I sobbed. I didn't even have to look to know it was Chan, but knowing so made me so tense. I could smell the black musk perfume mixed with the smell of his skin; a scent that brought back the floods of memories we shared from my time in Seoul.

He didn't utter a word, just holding me with his chin gently resting atop my head. He let me cry out against his hoodie until my throat ran dry and I had no more to give.

Silence fell over us once more as we stood there, his gentle sways rocking us to and fro. I sniffled, gulping back whatever was left with sore eyes.

Then Chan broke the silence, "I promised you that you'd never be alone."