Weak || Bang Chan

fourty four

Song:
Love wins all by IU
~~~

"W-what?"

Chan chose his words carefully in his mind, before saying, "Felix told me a lot about his family and you, before we ever met and before I realised you were his sister and not just his best friend. He's never told me what happened to your family because it always seemed inappropriate."

Silence fell over us as I simply blinked at the boy. He deserved the truth but the truth was always like exposed nerve. Leave it alone and it's fine. Touch it and a world of pain shortly follows.

"They died when I was thirteen," I plainly said, "We were in a car accident."

His face fell into despairing sympathy, "Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-,"

"No, it's okay," I dismissed him, gently, "You deserve to know if I'm going to be your girlfriend."

Silence fell over us as Chan's eyes fell to our entwined hands. Surprisingly for me, I didn't feel the goosebumps or the heat up my neck or the sting in my eyes. The memory of the accident felt so far away now.

Don't get me wrong, the grief never goes. I mourn my parents every day. But now I feel as though I no longer lived that experience that day all those years ago, like the memory was trapped inside a frosted bubble for me to peer into. It was disconnecting.

"You were there in the car?" Chan asked, voice so small.

I curtly nodded, "October 3rd. A lorry came onto our side of the road and the car veered down a bank. The impact killed them but I was trapped in the car for thirty seven minutes before they could pull me out."

"Shit, Rose," Chan muttered.

"I was lucky to get away with the injuries I had."

"What injuries?"

I looked up at the blonde, tears in his eyes, his nose red. I reassuringly squeezed his hands, but it didn't falter his emotions.

"The car door collapsed into my leg so I couldn't move. It healed with help of physiotherapy, but the scar is still there."

I hauled up from the sofa, standing before him as I slipped down my joggers, revealing the pink and silver warping scar that started from my hip to above my knee join.

"Oh, Rose," Chan murmured, face falling into sympathetic dejection, "How have I never seen this before?"

His hands came up to caress my thigh, thumb running along the wrinkled tissue. I flinched at first, feeling extremely vulnerable.

It reminded me of the time Minho saw it poking from behind my skirt and how he questioned what happened. I told him that the scar healed but the emotional ones didn't, not explaining myself further to him. But here I stood, Chan dipping his head close to my thigh and planting a kiss against the scar tissue.

My heart fired warm, quickening as it ignited at the simple gesture. Goosebumps prickled across my skin as he withdrew and I tried hard to hold back the blush in my cheeks.

"To think while I was enjoying a birthday, you were suffering beyond anything I can imagine," he spoke, helping me lift the band of the elasticated waist back up over my hips.

"Coincidence, isn't it?" I said, not really knowing what more I could say.

I stood in front on Chan, unmoving, just looking at the ground. I guess a subtle shame settled over me. If Chan didn't think I was broken goods before, he certainly would now.

The sting of tears scratched at my eyes. I hated the way my thoughts intruded my mind like that, forever making situations worse for myself.

A shaking sigh left my mouth as I tried to collect myself.

"I'm so sorry," Chan's voice cracked like a priceless porcelain vase. My eyes darted up to look at him, tears streaming from his eyes, "I had no clue."

"Chan, please don't...," I sat beside him, arm coming around him in comfort, "Please don't cry."

"I just can't imagine what you went through," he sniffled, trying to compose himself, "How alone you must've felt."

I shook my head, crawling towards his chest, "It was hard, but Felix's family took me in. I guess I wasn't ever alone, even if it felt like it."

"And you never will be," Chan stated, gently enveloping me into his arms as we embraced, "I will never let you feel alone ever again."

I felt the hard thumping of his heart in his chest against my cheek. It was slowing and steady, Chan's arms squeezing me tighter.

"Never again after you slipped away from me," he mumbled by my ear, his hot sweet breath fanning against my cheek.

I buried myself into the crook of his neck, his skin warm and soft as I stifled my crying eyes. Nothing felt better than the way Chan help me so meaningfully, as if he were trying to inject his love and care through the pores of my skin.

I hadn't noticed how erratic my heart was beating until it slowed in his embrace. I just listened to the sounds of his breaths and the way his fingers traced the lower part of my back. It was more comforting than anything I could describe. So innately intimate but tender and consoling.

We held each other for an eternity, our tired eyes closing and not opening again as we fell into a sleep holding each other tightly, my mind slipping away to dreamland to the gentle, steady beating of his heart against my cheek.

~~~~~
A/N: lil filler chappy for you guys xox