Weak || Bang Chan

twelve

Song:
불면증 Insomnia by Stray Kids
~~~

A/N: this is gonna be a really long chapter
so I'm gonna break it up into two parts
lol. enjoy reading~

3:36pm

Rose: thank you for standing up for me, frecks
Rose: i'm sorry i'm causing all these problems
Rose: you're the best friend and brother i could ever ask for
Rose: i love you so much

5:15pm

Rose: you're probably shooting rn and then you'll be having that dinner with jyp
Rose: i hope it goes well
Rose: i'm so excited for you to have this next stage in your career:)
Rose: i'm always in your corner

7:26pm

Rose: ... i hope you're not mad with me
Rose: i truly am sorry for all the issues i've been creating
Rose: it's unprofessional for you and i've embarrassed you so much
Rose: i never meant for this whole situation to build up and get ugly like this
Rose: i really hope you can forgive me

9:17pm

Rose: frecks?
Rose: please let me know you and the others are okay
Rose: none of you have replied
Rose: and i'm worried

9:45pm

Rose: goodnight lix
Rose: stay safe, whatever you're doing

~

I laid on my mattress, finally all the last of my furniture had been deliver and erected, a bed, sofas, dining room table and chairs and more. There was little left to purchase to make my house feel more like a home.

I felt out of my head; defeated to say the least. Several days in Seoul and somehow my presence just cocked things up for me. I never wanted to upset, disappoint or anger anyone, yet I managed to do all three.

I thought about Minho - how he was an angel incarnate. I felt a growing adoration for him, having a weakness for the soft feelings he could make me experience. How kind and gentle he was. How patient and loving he could be all the while standing up for me, especially against his elder. I didn't deserve him one bit. He was so interested in me, wanting to be with me and hold me and touch me, but I felt like some parasitic drain on him, tainting his perfection.

He deserved the world, so why should he have me when he could have better?

Then my mind flickered to Chan. Just the thought of him made me feel mad, but also bemused. Maybe it was the aura of him, seemingly powerful but also like he was multi-layered with a four dimensional personality. Maybe it was because such an attractive guy could be so rude and obnoxious.

It always felt like I had only seen one side to him. Felix never told me of the Chan I had experienced, only ever telling me about how Chan was a cuddle bug or a deep thinker or an talented performer and producer or a hilarious best friend. I hadn't experienced any of that with him; it had been nothing but grief.