For Your Eyes Only [h.s.]

Ch.54 - "Right now, I'm completely defenseless..."

Harry Styles
November 3, 2021

I had never realized how quiet things could get, even when the place is filled with people. Without Adelaide's light to fill this space though, everything has gone cold. 

It's been less than a day, and yet, it feels like a new lifetime for us both.

_____

"Adelaide?" I call out. Our room is dark, pitch black. Adelaide's request. Half of me doesn't want to help encourage the sadness, but I just want to give her whatever she wants. If she wants quiet, dark, and space, then she can have it. 

For now at least. 

I can't see her, she's quite literally surrounded by too many blankets and pillows, but I can hear her attempt a mumble, to let me know she's awake. 

"Do you need anything?" I ask her, still hovering at the door. I don't know why I'm so scared right now.

She doesn't answer, which I take as a no. I hope she's asleep, before slipping the door shut behind me and heading downstairs where Jeff is waiting. 

__________

"How-"

"Don't ask that." I tell Jeff, cutting him off. "You already know the answer."

"I don't know what to say Harry." He tells me, sitting comfortably on the couch, where he's been since he arrived last night.

After we got back from the hospital last night, I had already been informed that Jeff had been called and all my work had been cancelled officially for the next week to give us some time. I managed to get Addy to bed on my own last night, took care of her through this morning, and then Jeff said he was on his way to lend a hand. 

I couldn't get her to eat anything, but the doctor said that might happen as her emotions and physical pain will be all over the place potentially.

Thankfully Louis stayed in the guest room last night to make sure I could focus on Adelaide completely. Times like these make me most grateful to have good people around. 

"Neither do I." I tell Jeff honestly, grabbing my coffee. "Truly, I am totally out of my arena here J. They gave us some meds to keep her calm, she was just completely gone at the hospital so I've been making sure she's eating and drinking enough to take those but I don't know what to say or do otherwise as her boyfriend."

"Yes, you do. You just need to be you, I know you feel bad about how you responded when it happened, but this is going to be a process for you both. You get to show up everyday from here on out and that will make up for it."

I nod because he's right, but it doesn't make the guilt go away.

I was just in such shock and I knew I couldn't do anything to stop it. I've always been able to protect Adelaide from every bad thing that's come her way. I couldn't stop this. 

I couldn't protect her from this. I've never felt so helpless, so defenseless. 

Jeff and I lean back on the couch, return to watching nonsense on a streaming site, and wait until the next time I need to check on Adelaide. 

Harry Styles
November 4, 2021

"Can I get you more to eat baby? You hungry?"

"No, thank you." Finally some words. Last night I slept on a love seat in our room that I pulled up to face her in the bed. I wanted to give her as much space as she needed to be comfortable, just in case she's still in pain. So sitting here in the same spot feels dangerously like a routine is starting. I just want to make sure she's getting what she needs and what she wants.