For Your Eyes Only [h.s.]

Ch. 58 - "I gotta get better..."

Adelaide Young
November 16, 2021

Cleo and I have gotten along quite well since her arrival at the apartment. I can feel myself starting to, wake up, for a lack of a better phrase. Even though I know exactly why Harry brought her home, I still try to allow the effects to hopefully help me heal. 

"Yes, this is for you." I tell her as if she can understand me as I place her bowl in the spot we chose in the kitchen for her. Really Harry chose, he was so excited to settle her into the apartment. After she's happy, and I've cleaned up from my own breakfast, I decide it's time to sit with Harry and really just, talk.

He's been so patient, sleeping on the love seat, watching over me. While I'm still in pain, I still can't imagine ever not feeling sad, I feel like myself enough again. I know things need to be better between Harry and I. 

I know he's still plagued with guilt over the way he responded when it happened. I know that I am too. 

I stop in quickly to say hi to the Security team and other staffers still around for the day, and make my way upstairs to the makeshift gym Harry built with a bit of leftovers from my breakfast for him.

"Yes Jeff?" I hear Harry ask, on speaker phone with someone it seems.

"All packed for tomorrow? Just wanted to check in on how-" He responds, his voice echoing through the open gym.

"Yes, Jeffery. I'm all packed, things here are ok. Adelaide's up and at it today."

"Great, good. That's good Harry." 

"Ok, what's wrong." I hear Harry ask, I can hear it too. Jeff has a telling sound to his voice when he's thinking something he doesn't want to share. 

"Nothing's wrong, it's all good... It's just that it's too good... They want to add a few more dates into December." I hear Jeff tell him, in a subdued tone. He knows that Harry will not leave me before I'm fully back to myself. 

I tune their conversation out, and lean up against the wall next to our door, allowing my body to slowly descend against it until I'm sitting comfortably. I can feel the anxiety coming back. 

"No."

"Harry, please just consider it! If Adelaide is doing well then she-"

"No! I'm already leaving for the week, I promised I would be back on the 26th. No exception."

"Are you sure?"

"I promised Adelaide."I get back up to go in and tell Harry that I want this for him, truly I do. I want us to figure out something so that he can balance his desire to be here, and the need for him to continue on with life. If I've learned anything in the last few weeks, it's that life will continue on even when we think it won't.

"Harry, I know you want to be there for her, but I think she's made it clear that you aren't the answer. Didn't you say she chose a group therapy last night?"

"Yeah." I hear Harry say timidly as I begin to open the door.

"Yeah, so maybe it's time to stop pretending you can fix her."

And for just a moment, I'm left speechless. Fix. I need to be fixed?

"Yeah, maybe I can't be fixed." I tell him, I don't know why. I know it's not Harry that said it, but what if he believes it.

"Fuck. Jeff, I gotta go." I hear Harry tell him, even though I've already left the room.

"Addy, please! That's not what he meant!" Harry shouts at me, struggling to keep up with my pace as I make to leave.