Phoenix's Lies

All Good Things Look Ugly in the Light of Day

River

Waking up Saturday I have a killer hangover and no desire to get out of bed, even to answer my phone which keeps buzzing and beeping with calls and texts. Although after a while the noise is enough to have me roll over and pick up my phone, groaning as the light hits my eyes.

But I don't open any of the messages, nor reply to slash pick up any of the calls. Not yet. Instead, I clasp my hands over my stomach, lie on my back and hold my phone there as I try to piece together my memories from last night. Once Ari and I separated inside the house that is. I remember drinking - a lot - I remember the pills. Smoking in a room where it was so dark I couldn't even see myself let alone the others. I remember dancing, alone and with someone - though not their name. I remember that same person leading me somewhere - a roof I think - and the two of us smoking, and drinking. Talking and fucking. I remember.

I don't remember anything else. Not the guy's name. Now that happened afterwards, including how the fuck I got home, Nothing after how good, how right, he felt - whoever this mystery he is. Nothing about how I got both Ari and me home since I'm positive that by the time I had found her - would have found her - I must have been too wasted to drive home. And I'm sure she would have been too but between the alcohol, the pills and being either still high or stoned by then I'm sure I would have been worse off when I somehow made it to the car having found Ari and we both left.

But who had I been with?

Groaning my phone sounds again with Ari's ringtone and I let out another low sound, reaching back for it and sliding my thumb across the screen to accept the call. "Hello?"

"Riv! Thank god you answered your phone. My mom needs you to come and pick up El as she needs to go somewhere and I need to talk to you, urgently. Hurry please."

I frown, something about her tone worrying me. "Oh-oh ok. Just give me five minutes and I'll be right over." Standing as I talk I continue to get ready, phone cradled to my ear as Ari's words sink in. "What happened last night Ari? I lost you and have no idea how I got home. Do-do you know what happened?"

Silence greets me from her end of the line, not even the faintest sound of breathing shows me she is still here. The longer that continues the worse I feel. The more feet start to dam up my throat and my hands shake. Minutes pass like this before I hear Ari sigh and respond, her tone shifty and words evasive.

"I need to talk to you about that. Show you something before you either get shown it by or hear about it from somebody else. To see if you remember what happened so you know what to say if someone asks you about the vi-about it."

Hands still shaking I almost drop my phone as I understand Ari's words. Before you hear about it or get shown it by somebody else. To see if you can remember what happened so you know what to say if someone asks you about it. Fucking hell, what had I done - alone or with someone else - that was so bad? Did someone die? Was I an accessory to murder? No that can't be the case or else the cops would have been asking for me. The thought calms me until I remember all the times my phone rang this morning. Not all of them will have been Ari - at least I don't think they would have been - and I have no other friends who would call to check on me so who else would call? Was it the police?

"Riv? Are you still there?" Ari's voice is a reassuring anchor to reality as I put her on speaker and get ready, trying to calm my racing heart and shaky nerves. To steady my shaky hands. "Riv? Are you ok?"

I take a breath, was I ok? Honestly? No, I don't think I was but I can't tell Ari that, she'll just worry. And besides, I'm going over to see her so if there's an issue I can talk about it then with her, right? "Y-yeah I think so," I replied to her, though judging by her silence I guess I didn't convince her any more than I did myself. Something that seems to be happening all too often recently if I'm being honest with myself. Yet another worrying thought to file away for later. "Did - do - you need me to come over now or-"