Phoenix's Lies

Another Mistake?

(Song for when the two talk after the kiss)

River

The next week after seeing Phoenix at Devil's Alley I am on edge. On edge that he'll try to ask me about it. On edge that he'll ask someone else. Add to that what I've been doing and the bad vibes I'm getting from Derek I am wound pretty tight. Something I think Ari noticed given what she asked me on Thursday.

"Are you ok babes? You've been tense since the race. Is something wrong?" To her credit, she doesn't bombard me with questions as I try to get my thoughts in order. "Riv? You ok?"

I shake off the feelings as best I can and nod to her. "I-I'm ok Ari. Just wondering if he'll say anything about Monday." About the race. I don't say that out loud but I know Ari understands me when she remains silent. A thoughtful look crosses her face and I frown. "What Ari?"

She gives me another look. "Do you want him to? Ask about Monday I mean?" I shoot her an angry look but Ari just smiles, holding up her hands with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "I'm not saying if you do or you don't before you go giving me that judgy look Riv, I was merely asking if you want him to. Since it would give you an excuse to talk to him again. To see him again." I glare at her again but she just laughs. "Think about it ok? And if you're serious about talking to Nix about it, ask him at the party tomorrow." I give her a look but she shakes her head and laughs, "Oh no I know that look and drop it. Your coming, no arguments or I'll drag you there by your gorgeous hair."

I frown, playing with the food on my tray, "Don't think that's such a good idea, Ari. Or did you forget what happened the last time the two of us were in the same environment like that? What happened to me when the fallout happened?"

Ari pulls a confused expression, that previous glimmer of humour in her eyes. "You got railed by a hot guy on a roof once and had fun?"

I scowl, fighting back a smile at the same time annoyingly. "One it was three times - I told you as much the next day bitch - and two I don't mean that. I mean the video and both my mother and Derek taking a shot at me. Him over thinking he was 'losing my loyalty ' as he calls it." I reply, seeing Ari's shocked look replace the humour that had been there before. Yeah, she didn't know that, did she?!

"That's messed up Riv," She sounds surprised for a second before she smiles. "But that doesn't get you out of coming tomorrow. You're going. Especially since he won't be there so it's all sorted and you can go. Simple."

I laugh and shake my head, standing as the bell rings and seeing Ari follow me. She wants me to go but I'm stuck. Stuck as so much of me wants to go, to see him. But like when I saw him at the racetrack on Monday I know the danger of following my slowly growing feelings. Know the danger of pulling another into my tangled, dark, life, how it would snuff their light out for good. And to do it to someone as good, as bright as Phoenix? I couldn't live with myself, couldn't bear it.

Sighing I stop at a corner and lean against the wall, wanting nothing more than for my family back so I could ask them what I'm supposed to do. But they are gone. Gone and never coming back and I have to figure out whatever this is myself. Next to me, Ari stops and I see her give me a concerned look, not that I know how to respond to her. My head is too much of a mess.

"I'll be ok, just give me a second. I'll be in by the bell, I promise. Just go, Ari, please." Around me, I can see students bustling around. Busy and ignorant in their happy bubble. Their perfect lives. "I just need a second. I'll be ok."

She looks unconvinced but I see her sigh and half shrug, "Ok if you're sure," I nod again and see her leave with a last sad smile over her shoulder until she vanishes around a corner. As she does I sink to the floor and sit with my knees up against my chest and my head in my hands. All my emotions ripped through me.