Phoenix's Lies

Confused

(When Nix is at the racetrack)

Phoenix

A Week Later

It's been a week since I saw Riv in class. A week since she confronted me over something I didn't do before running. Running out of the room and into the rain seconds before I heard the most haunting, heartbroken scream I have in years. A sound filled with so much loss my heart felt like it could break from hearing it.

A Week Earlier

By the time class has ended I bolt out of my seat and try to find where Riv has gone, my arms aching to hold her like I'd done when we were kids and she needed someone. Only when I was outside did reality set in. A reminder that because I'd fucked up that wasn't - isn't - my place anymore. Not anymore. All because of a stupid fight we had and couldn't resolve. My first real regret in life: letting her go.

Ari stops next to me and sees how lost I must look. A confused expression on her face. "Are you ok Nix? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

A ghost of one of my worst fucking mistakes, My first and oldest regret that I don't think I'll ever be able to fix. The words slam into me in the wake of Ari's questions but I shove them down, taking my stuff from her when she offers it. My feet seem to be stuck to the ground, the rain washing over me as the weight of that regret and the echo of her scream crushes me for a second as I try to remember how to breathe around the pain.

"I-I..." I try to respond to Ari but it's a pathetic attempt since I can't get my head on straight, too much going through it. "What happened to her, Ari? She mentioned a fight. She - she thought I knew. What happened?"

Ari sighs, scanning for when Hunt would come out. "It's part of why she's mad at you, isn't it?" Ari's tone is slow but I just nod. She sighs. "I honestly don't know as much as you think Nix. She doesn't talk to me as much as you seem to think she does. She never did, even when we were little. It was always someone else. Someone else she'd used to talk to, honestly, I was kind of jealous of them. Of the bond they had."

"Who?" I ask, hoping for the name of someone I can talk to. Someone I can find and ask them what happened. But if it wasn't Ari then who else? Was it Hunt? Who else was she close with? That close with? "Please help me, Ari. I need that name I-I have to help her." But when I look at her Ari's pulling a confused expression, almost as if she's expecting me to already know who she's talking about. "Please Ari, I-I need that name."

But she just gives me a confused look, cocking her head to the side as she studies me for a second before replying. "I thought you already knew. Didn't she tell you at the time?" I shake my head and see her frown deepen. "I thought she would have told you, given who it was. Who it always was."

I groan, running a hand through my wet hair. "Ari, please I don't have time or patience right now for one of your riddles. If you know the name, please just tell me."

She sighs, "I'm surprised you didn't guess it on your own given that we all knew. Well all of us except for you it seems." Growing agitated by her evasive responses I throw up my hands and she laughs once before finally responding. "It was you Nix, it was always you." she smiles a little sadly then but before I can ask her to elaborate on what she means Hunt arrives and when I blink she's gone.

Present

A week's passed since that talk in the rain with Ari and I've barely seen Riv since as she appears to be avoiding me. A realisation that makes the guilt inside hurt more. Cut deeper with every day that passes until a week has gone by and I've officially lost the patience to wait for her and battle not to go looking for her. My brain has run out of reasons and excuses.